Belonging

Prologue

l feel an unusual discomfort in the pit of my stomach. There is a sudden increase in temperature which causes me to shift in my chair while fueling the feeling within me. l set aside my journal and decide to exit my room. Immediately I pick out strange sounds from my grandmom's room. l don't waste another second before budging inside the relatively small space and for a moment my breath is pumped out of my lungs and I stand numb.

In the next moment I rush to her bed completely set in panic at the image set before me. My grandmom could hardly breathe. Her chest lifted with her shoulders dropping simultaneously in an effort to capture some air. Her entire frame was trembling and her fists were balled into the thin fabric beneath her. Her eyelids were barely visible from the force she was exerting in keeping her eyes widely open, as though face to face with her greatest demons. I fail to utter a single word but gather the strength to grab the phone besides her and call the ambulance.

In what felt like an eternity of torture the ambulance arrived and l ushered them to my grandmom's room. They waste no time in transporting her to their vehicle as I trail behind. When we arrive at the hospital I complete a few documents as she is rushed to the operating unit. It is so difficult to stand still later on stay calm. Everything had occurred without alarm and it is at this moment when I could finally digest everything that had taken place.

I kept assuring myself that she was going to be okay and so I compressed all my emotions leaving absolutely no room for all negatives. Minutes turned to hours and the hours piled on each other. I could feel myself losing hold with every passing hour. I felt all those compressed emotions loosen up. However I could not let myself break down, I could not lose hold of my faith, faith that she was going to be perfectly fine. She was my only family.

Grandmom had told me that my parents had passed away when I was barely a year old. She never really showed much enthusiasm on the subject of family. Only mentioned that my parents had detached themselves from their relatives way before I was born due to family conflicts at the time. They had died in a severe car accident on their way to a business trip just after leaving me at my granny's place. My grandmom had then decided to raise me far away from the family conflicts and she had been present in my life for seventeen years.

I saw a doctor approach me. He informed me that they had gotten her out of her previous painful trance though her heart still wasn't displaying a normal pulse. He had concluded that they were going to keep monitoring her progress and give me a full update the following day. I couldn't help but feel a bit relieved to know I still had her. When they transferred her to another room the nurses led me to her. She was still asleep and the only sound in the room was from the beeping of numerous machines that were connected to different parts of her body. It was only at this sight that I finally let out a painful sob.

I didnt even realise how time had flew by until a nurse gently tapped my shoulder and informed me that visiting hours were over. I obviously tried reasoning with the nurse on staying through the night but the effort was unsuccessful. l had no choice but to hesitantly exit the room .

When I got home, I went straight to my grandmom's room. I had no appetite for food and my thoughts were not in place. I just wanted to be surrounded my grandmom's belongings so that I would assure myself that she was still with me. I must have dozed off because my eyes opened to the sound of my phone ringing. I scrunched my eyebrows at the unknown caller ID then answered the call. The caller introduced herself as a nurse from Wilmec Hospital and immediately I sobered. The news that followed wrecked me in a way I never thought was possible. If only it had absorbed my entire existence along with it.

She was gone.

......

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