It Rained When We First Met

He held her hand dearly for the last time and let it go after planting a kiss on the back of her palm. "I think I have to solemnly pray every night starting now." He said looking intently at her eyes while tears are skipping one by one.

She smiled through all the tears running down her cheeks and let out a soft giggle "you told me you don't believe in God; so why would you do that?" her eyes then wander all around his face like studying the beautiful night sky. She traced his face using her eyes; his eyes contain different stories that she wished she could listen to before going to bed like a lullaby that will bring her to a safe and sound dreamland. His lips, she knew from the start that they had lots of unspoken words. He was too brave to hurt himself and keep all that's bothering and keeping him up all night bottled up inside and torment him instead, he's always been that kind and warm that she wished time would stop right now so they won't have to go and part ways.

"I have a feeling that this will be our last encounter, I need to pray and let my prayers reach Him" he said wiping his tears off his cheeks. "Don't cry" he added and they both laughed.

"you're crying too!" she refuted laughing. "what are you going to pray for?" she asked.

"I'll pray for Him that if reincarnation is really true, He let us meet on our next lives and be our fates intertwined for eternity. I really wanted to be with you. I want to hold your hand when things are rough, share my strength to you if you're feeling vulnerable, and beat the odds with you for the rest of our lives." He cupped her face and gently wiped the tears off her cheeks. She closed her eyes to feel his warmth on her face. He still stirs her heart and brings butterflies to her stomach. She still feels the same as the first time they met when the sun was up and shining brightly when the rain suddenly poured; when they both ran outrageously to find shelter under a huge tree along the boulevard and bumped into each other- enchanting, he was enchanting then and he is still enchanting now. The sun shining brightly then blinded her view of the man embracing her back with his arms while the sound of the rain falling heavily on them assents to her unsteady heart like what he's doing to her right now- making her heart go crazier with every word he utters.

She put her hands over his that's cupping her face for seconds and removed them. Holding hands, she said "let's not do that. Let's not wish to meet on our next lives and torment each other again. Let's not accidentally meet on a sunny day with hopes that our days will go as planned, let's not leave our umbrella's behind because we also need that to protect ourselves from sun rays. I don't want to meet you again if I'm going to love you again more than anything. If reincarnation is true, I would like to be your favorite flower so you'd look at me breathlessly and get sad when my petals start falling off, and if that happens, I'll be content for the short time that you'll hold me with your arms that even if it's just a short time, I made you happy. On my next life, I want to be the one being loved more than anything. I've been miserable in this life because I thought love would be the least thing that I deserve because I can't even give it to myself but I know I should receive it too." She pulled back her hands and wiped her tears that's falling continuously like the rain that startled their hearts. She remembers vividly her heartbeat that time like it has its own beat that's meant only for him. She remembers everything.

They are communicating with each other through their eyes; one is saying that the only way to save themselves is to let go, while the other is asking for a forgiveness and a chance to make things work.

"I'm sorry to have hurt you and made your life miserable. You deserve to be loved and if I can't give you that, I shall accept that we're just passersby on each other's lives and that our episode's over and we have to go our own ways."

" I'm sorry that you're sad because you can't forget about me." 

The more she hears from him, the more that her heart quivers in pain. She wants to stay and make things work, or at least try again but she's done trying, she's done chasing, she's tired of all the sleepless nights wondering what she did wrong when all that she's done was shower him the love she could but it seems like it was too much for him. It was like she built him a pool so deep but he doesn't know how to swim.

They both stood there silently exchanging thoughts with their eyes. They both have so much to say but what's the use of words now? They know it's already time to let go but how can they let go when their eyes are telling them what their mouths can't- they still love each other. He extended his arms and embraced her with his whole body. He wanted her to listen to his heart and maybe she'd change her mind and decide to stay. They're both trying to stop themselves from crying because it's of no use now. She thought she have cried all her tears and dried them. She was full of emotions that she doesn't know what to feel anymore; it was just too much for her to take.

They remained that way for quite a while. He hugged her tight for one last time and put his hands on her shoulder "it's time to go" he thought to himself but when he was just about to put distance between them, she suddenly hugged him tighter, sobbing, she said "just give me a minute. I want to feel your warmth for the last time. I feel like I'd regret it if I didn't do this. Don't go."

He wanted to stay, ask for another chance, and try to work things out but he also knew that they needed to let go to save themselves. There are times when love isn't enough to make a person stay, and they've reached that time. maybe they're not meant to stay on each other's lives, and if god forbids and they were really meant to be together, fate will find its way to them and maybe someday they'll meet again, and maybe then it'll be the right time and place. But right now, they need to make themselves better though not together.

He wrapped his hand around her wrist and told her to release her hold. She then finally let go sobbing and looking at the ground. "look at me" he told her but she can't. she feels so pathetic for being the one to want to break up but she's the one who cannot let go.

"look at me" he repeated but this time he gently lifts her chin and lowered his face to her eyes' level.

"do you want to stay? Do you want me to hurt you furthermore? Time..." he clears the lump forming on his throat "time will tell if we're really meant to be together and if it comes, I will find my way back to you, I will find you wherever you are. But don't wait for me, don't carry our memories in your heart and patiently wait for me. Free yourself from me and let yourself find the love you truly deserve." He smiled sweetly at her. He tucked the strands of her hair at the back of her ear and leaned to give her a kiss on the forehead and wiped her tears.

"let's count to three and go our separate ways. Let's promise that none of us will look and come running back." He said with his hands on her shoulders. She nodded and took two steps backwards.

"one...

...two...

...three"

They slowly turned their back and started walking away at the same time.

"this is it." she thought

"I hope she finds her happiness, though I wish to find mine with her" he thought to himself

"I love you"

"goodbye"

Before taking another step, he turned to look back and breaking the promise they made. He stood there watching her slowly fading back. She's near, if he's courageous enough to run to her he'll reach her but he doesn't want to hurt her anymore and make things hard for the girl he carried on his arms the first day they met. He can't bear looking at her crying with the eyes that used to sparkle with joy. When her figure faded through the crowd, he went his way too.

The rain suddenly poured. It was raining when they first met, it's raining again.