A life without love

AMOR

My name is Amor which is quite unfitting because I can't feel love. No not because someone broke my heart or something but because I have a rare disease called Alexithymia. So I literally don't know what it feels like to love or to be happy,excited,disgusted or surprised but I can feel fear and anger
      So basically I love my parents because I'm told to, smile in pictures because everyone else is doing it and act happy and jolly so I won't spoil the mood. Doctors say I can feel but I just have troubles identifying them.
      Welcome to the my life -cue dramatic music- where I shall show you adve...
"Amor !!"
Oh God, of all the times to..
"Amor !!". The voice comes again rudely interrupting my day dream featuring my life.
       I close my eyes again trying to get back to day dreaming. Ah yes where were we. Welcome to life where I shall show you adventurous collections and tell you tales of..
"Amor, Lance is here"
       I slowly open my eyes trying to remember why Lance would come to my house.
"Amor don't tell me you forgot about the simulator" Lance says while knocking on my door
      I completely forgot.
"Of course not, how could I forget". I say "just give me a few minutes to get ready".
         I get up, put on some clothes grab my phone, wallet and keys, left the house and gets into Lance's car.
         Lance is my best friend and I've known him since... well I can't remember what exactly how we met but it had some thing to do with a lot of paper and glue and one angry janitor. Lance is very rich not that he has a job or something but his dad is a successful actor and his an only child just like me so he got cars -yes cars- once he got his drivers license, had his own house when he wanted to and got a lot of money when he wanted it. So he put together some -if you ask him a lot if you ask me- money, made some calls and pull some strings to buy a simulator just to make me feel something.
"We're here".
"Wow". I say my voice dripping with sarcasm "Another house".
"I thought you'd like it considering the colours". Lance says while looking at my face to see my expression and I guess he was disappointed to see it blank as usual.
Yup, my best friend painted his house cornflower blue. It's a nice colour but he could have painted it ivory with gold or something. His always trying to make me smile or surprised. I appreciate it and all but still sometimes I wish he could have a better best friend.
"Let's just get this over with". I say
We get out of the car and move into the house the entire house is done in different shades of blue sky blue, navy blue, teal, breeze, lagoon and denim.
He led me to a room but not before he gave me a tour of the house. I'll just leave out the details and say the house is beautiful.
He open the door and said "Ladies first".
And I just looked at him like really that's what your going with.
Before I stepped in I felt a fluttering feeling in my stomach that left me wondering what I ate in the morning.
The room was dark so I put on the torch on my phone. Then I heard something moving at the other side of the room. I turned around only to see I was alone. I can't believe Lance left me here. I could still hear the sound of movement so decided to check it out. The room was very large which was weird be because it was almost as big as the house. I kept to the left wall because the last thing I want right now is it get lost here.
I couldn't hear the sound again so I stopped to listen. Then I heard these words.
Hijo de mi Amor, siempre estoy contigo.
Suddenly a distant memory hit me like all those memories that are so old that you don't know if it really happened or if it was just a dream. I was younger and I was with dad and mum before dad died. We were on a beach and wait was that a smile on my face? Was I actually smiling? Then like a movie we were at a hospital mum was crying and dad was dying while I was standing beside him my face blank. Then he whispered the exact words to me
"Dad?!" I shouted
I could barely make out the figure sitting at the far end of the room but I knew it was my father
" Dad!" I shouted again as I started running towards him.