there is something inside of me that I dunno what is going on. There is this loneliness in me that I couldn't seem to get my heads off it and it really bothers me a lot.
I have been living the 21 years of my life as if I wasn't really apart of anybody's life and the treatment of them towards me makes me feel if they are being sincere at the moment or they are just doing it just for the sake to show to the world that they are there for me but I did not take them seriously. Am I being needy? Am I pathetic? I don't know! I honestly don't. And there is this wild ride of emotions are going round and round inside of me that I honestly don't know why are they there for. What does that really wants to show me when I am already busy minding my own business to settle all my daily tasks. And I wish I could bury that mindset in my brain..." to not care the business that is not mine" but sadly the business that I am trying so hard not to mind id the feelings and questions that I have been fighting with my own self. How can I change it? Do I tell somebody? Do I keep it to myself? Do i write a diary? WHAT SHOULD I DO? It's really frustrating when i could not find an answer to a problem and now? its a problem for me with myself.
Tell someone? "huh" One moment they are like all caring but the next time u want to talk to them again they let u feel like they are a complete stranger and u should not have shared your own problems with them at the first place. THAT IS A PIECE OF SHIT. Do i keep it to myself? I feel like taking my own life the more i think about those things and that is the reason that i didn't want to thing about that that much. PARENTS? SIBLINGS? BEST FRIENDS? I have all of those but they don't seem to understand how i really feel when all they could say is "ya , i felt that too", "now im here so u can get here too"
i will continue some other time cuz i cnt handle it anymore
