My fiancé is jealous. He gets furious when I won’t dump my friends and spend all my free time with him,” the weeping woman shared with me. “I was so thrilled to have a guy who was devoted to me that I ignored the warning signs. I convinced myself that he loves me and that things would get better with time. I was wrong — completely wrong. The closer the wedding gets, the more controlling he becomes. I don’t know what to do.”
After working with singles and married couples for more than 28 years, I have come to believe abuse is an ongoing, escalating problem. Men are often portrayed as the sadistic ones; however, women can be equally dangerous.
Blessing husband abused her for almost 20 years of their marriage. After decades of emotional and physical suffering, Blessing took her husband to court and won her case against him. He was fined for his abuses and warned to stop his violent behavior. This victory empowered Blessing, and she wanted to help other women in similar circumstances win their right to freedom from violence. She joined Global Fund for Women grantee partner Voice for Change, which works in rural communities in lagos in Nigeria to fight for women’s rights and safety, and stop gender-based violence and harmful traditional practices like polygamy.
Blessing now escorts other women to court, providing moral and legal support for women testifying in cases of domestic violence and polygamy. In these situations, Blessing often finds herself face-to-face with a woman’s abuser, and she stands up to him on her behalf. “Many women don’t know their human rights, the laws of the country, or how the courts work and how to access justice,” says Blessing “That’s why violence against women is a national issue. Violence against women is a normal thing.
Blessing also raises awareness about how traditional practices like polygamy are harming the community. Men who take several wives often don’t have the resources to care for all their children and don’t take responsibility for caring for their many families. “The kids don’t get an education, they get into drugs, they become criminals, and then they practice polygamy again themselves,” says Rose. Blessing takes polygamy seriously because she has to face the issue in her own family; her only daughter married a man with other wives, despite Blessing strong opposition.
Through Voice for Change, Blessing has gained confidence and sees herself as a leader. She has earned respect and recognition from her community for raising awareness about violence against women and for confronting abusive husbands. Blessing own husband is no longer violent towards her and has grown to respect and support her work, and is even beginning to advocate on women’s issues himself. “I’m really proud,” Blessing says of her work as a women’s human rights defender. “It’s important to me, and important to my life to challenge the system.”
Blessing belief in women’s equality is what fuels her passion for her work. “If men have got a right, I’ve got the same right. They cannot put me down, because everything they do, I can do. That’s why I feel that I have to do something to defend women and advocate for them.” she says. “All women—we all are fierce. We have all the same rights that men do.”
After the adoption of Sharia Law in Zamfara State in early January 2000, Zamafara State became the first state in Nigeria to allow for legal recognition of polygamous marriage under civil law, as such is practicable under Sharia, which allows for a man to take up to four wives on the account that he treats them equally ...
