Temptation [h.s.] ✔

Chapter 30.

        Her words echo Harry's so closely. And deep down, I know it's true.

        "I'm scared," I whisper, taking my hand from hers and pulling my knees to my chest. "I'm scared that he'll be everything and then he'll go and I'll have nothing. I'm scared I'll hurt him. I'll hurt Dayton. I'll hurt you all. I'm afraid I'll send us all on a crash course like I did before. I don't want to do that again."

        "So don't," Nana says simply.

        "It's not that simple, Nana!"

        "Oh, pish! It is. You're just complicating things with your bullshit, Olivia. If you want him and he wants you, then you have nothing to lose."

        "I nearly lost my life!" I almost shout. "How is that nothing? What if, next time, it's worse? What if, next time, I do lose?"

        Nana's face softens, but her eyes harden. She leans forward in her chair and points a wrinkly finger at me. "You listen to me, my girl, and you listen to me good. You're not afraid of committing. You're not afraid of hurting anyone. The thing you fear is weakness. It's commendable, really, but also complete crap. The only person you're hurting is yourself—and this boy. You're stringing you both along because of your naivety. That's what it is. What you are. Naïve. You think love pops up for every Tom, Dick, and Tyler?"

        Her words sting.

        "It doesn't. It isn't something you can throw around. If you can sit there and tell me it wouldn't kill you to walk away from him, then that's exactly what you should do."

        I hug my knees tighter to me. I want to say the words. They're there, sitting on my tongue, teasing my lips. But they won't come out.

        The thought of saying them twists my heart painfully.

        "Well?" she raises penciled-in eyebrows. "I thought as much. You fear weakness because you never want to feel it again, and that's why you can't commit. Love makes you weak, Olivia. It makes you weak and it makes you strong at the same time. But the strongest love is the one you accept and embrace. Fight it and you're destined for weakness."

        My eyes burn with tears, and I swallow hard. "I know," I whisper. "I know."

        "So why are you fighting it? If you're so afraid of weakness, why don't you get off your ass and tell him what you want? I bet he doesn't even know how you feel, does he?"

        I shake my head.

        "Flamin' heck, girl! You're making a total pig's asshole of this, aren't ya?"

        I nod. If I talk, the tears will come.

        "You need to talk to your young man and tell him how you feel, Olivia. That's the only way you'll ever move on. Fuck your fear. Face it and embrace it and you will kick it in its rusty butt."

        I half-laugh, half-sob.

        Mom gets up and wraps her arm around my shoulder. "Don't let the fear of falling in love stop you from basking in the beauty of the possibility. Think about how beautiful it could be, how happy you could be, and go from there." She kisses my temple. "Come on, Mother. It's time for your medication."

        Mom gets up and helps Nana up. Nana pauses by the door.

        "Olivia."

        I look up and meet her gaze.

        "I'm staying in your room. You'll have to take the spare room."