Complex Constellations of Us

imagine how brave i'd be if i knew i'd be safe

Fitz spends the next week drifting in and out of a crisis. Ever since Keefe's revelation that night of the wedding he's been thinking. He's still not entirely certain it was the truth instead of just the alcohol and Keefe's penchant for trouble making. Yet, it still makes him wonder.

Can he like guys? It would explain why nothing about girls had ever felt right for him, he's never been able to understand the hype behind it but he'd just assumed he was a- late bloomer or something? It also explains why he's so much more inclined to look at men, though in all honesty he'd thought that was normal. Perhaps not.

He's sat in the living room when his thinking is interrupted by the chime of the leapmaster.

Fitz quickly composes himself, delegating all of his worries and confusion to the recesses of his mind as he steps towards the foyer. A new host of worries rise up to replace them when he catches sight of Linh, she no longer looks dejected, only willful.

"We need to discuss this before it becomes too obvious." She explains before he can get a single word out.

He simply nods in agreement, leading her to the sitting room.

It's almost like one of those 'old west' human movies Dex made them watch not too long ago. Neither speak, the tension is a palpable force that lingers in the air. They both know deep down that they can do any number of things but not a single one of them will end right.

"Should we get married? So we don't have to deal with-" Fitz gestures absently, erasing the silence. Children out of wedlock are nearly unheard of in the Elvin cities, and he can't help the sadness that envelops him when he thinks about what this kid, his kid, will have to go through. All because the two of them were too scared to come to terms with the fact that they would never be like everyone else.

"It is the easiest option." Linh concedes, her knuckles white against her knees. Her sharp laugh is such a contrast to the mood that Fitz flinches.

"I was thinking of becoming a councillor you know? When this whole thing stopped working. Don't have to worry about marriage, I'd just get to help people." She sighs, rubbing a hand down her face. "That's impossible now."

Though he knows it's not his fault, not entirely, guilt clogs up his throat and he has to fight to not look away. If only there is a way that they can both be happy, because they won't be as husband and wife. It's not as though he hates Linh's company, it's enjoyable, but he knows realistically that it will get old fast.

That's not the atmosphere he wants his kid to grow up in if he's honest. He knows what it's like for a child, when their parents marry for necessity instead of love. Look at Keefe, or Stina even. He doesn't want to be like Cassius, like some deadbeat father who grows to despise his child because they just remind him of what he could never have.

"Maybe it doesn't have to be." Fitz breathes, flashes of an idea taking shape behind his eyes.

"I can keep the kid, no one will ever have to know that it's yours!" He explains, seeing the picture come in full, Linh blinks at him.

"I get sole custody and you get to move on with your life."

"I can't let you do that!" She argues, cutting him off. "What kind of person am I if I just leave you?"

"A smart one." He returns, "Think about it, you have dreams. They can still be achieved. I don't."

Fitz has been nobility since he came of age. It's a given, expected. He's still only a regent but he doesn't doubt that the next title will come to him in coming years. It's in his blood after all.