"And at the end of the day, I just cry." She let out an exasperated sigh while staring at the moon.
"But why?" I asked, astonishingly.
She gave me a smile.
A smile full of sorrow and grief.
"When the realization hit me like a tonne of bricks with full force, and leave me numb, then I cry...because of the unbearable pain."
"What kind of realization?"
"That how I hurt people, that are the reason of my living. How I break their hearts, with my words and the way I ignore them."
She stated, grabbing my forearm and pulled me to my feet. Half-leading, half-dragging me, she took me to a room, full of mirrors.
"And she is one of them." She whispered, pointing at the mirror.
It was her own reflection.
And I froze.
She was so intriguing I knew I must find out why.
"How bad can she be...really?" I thought.
Why she was against her own self?
I really wanted to show her how strong and how perfect she is.
When we get so wrapped up in our heads, we miss on what's available to us right now in the moment.
She was doing the same.
"Everything's gonna be okay." I patted her on the shoulder.
And that was the thing I've learned, we all want everything to be okay, we don't even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous. But happily settle for okay, because most of the time, okay is enough.
"Is this life worth living?" She asked the most difficult question.
And I was lost for words.
Before I could find the suitable words and encouraged her, She smiled.
Her smile was like an artwork to me.
"What does life mean to you?" She closed her tired eyes, as though was trying to find the reason behind her presence.
How could I answer that question when it took me a very long time to discover what I was doing with my life. Could I be able to express myself, my thoughts, my visions..to her? Could I really reach her with my words.
A lot has happened to me too, due to which I have lost hope often enough, confidence has been damaged and I have often stood on the brink of collapse. But I managed to survive. And no matter what I chose, I have to live with it. Forever.
"Life is too ironic to fully understand. Sometimes it takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence and absence to value presence."
"It is actually a self-made illusion from our heart. And only one foul thought can drives out all our wisdom." I added.
She sighed and like always it is lost on air.
That was true.
We all suffer, trying to deal with our problems but at some point we just find the courage to ignore everything and move on.
"Give me a reason to live." She took a deep breath before going on.
"I don't want to die before my natural death."
"I want to float with the wind, free, like a butterfly."
Her voice echoed across the room.
"Let me be the reason for your living." I said glancing at her. She had the same look in her eyes that she gave me when we met for the first time. All the memories of that day came flooding back.
That day I decided to run somewhere far away, away from everything, to find out that one thing, something real that would set my sad soul free, add colors to my life and my search brought me to her.
Wandering in the moonlight, one night I found her, burning on the edge of something beautiful.
Unintentionally, my soul drawn to her.
"Are you okay?" I asked her, not knowing what to do.
She looked up, hurt.
Her eyes grew wide, and one thing I noticed was; she couldn't live an ordinary life with the mysteries of the universe hidden in those brown eyes.
"It's getting dark, you should go home."
No answer.
"Who are you?" I raised my voice,
"Are you even listening?"
Again she had nothing to say. Almost as soon as I uttered the question, I realized it was redundant. If she wasn't speaking, then there must was something going on inside her head. I was about to leave when she decided to speak.
"I don't have any home to go to." She said almost whispering.
She looked into my eyes and for the first time in my life I realized life's immense beauty and the fact that she was in it make it more beautiful. Even if this were a dream this is where I chose to be. I'd love to be with her.
As it is said,
Love recognizes no barriers.
She left her home, that they burnt. She left the place where she was born. Where the colorful and dark memories of her life buried under the thick layers of sorrows and griefs. She was the most beautiful girl in her town. Everybody wanted her. But her mind was simply different, it was just not practical. The girls in her town was jealous of her because she attracted every man.
Her father was a drunkard and died of alcohol and her mother ran away with her ex-boyfriend leaving her to her uncle who used her to earn money. She had razor marks all over her arms and thighs which was the evidence of how miserable was her life. The only one person that really cared for her, always wanted the best in her life was Alice, her best friend, who was now dead. Her uncle killed Alice and accusing her for her death.
Her heart splintered, it bled at the sight of her best friend's body lying in the pool of blood, but she couldn't save her and tried to kill herself instead. She wanted to escape from that hell but she wasn't lucky enough. And that night, the night of her birthday, some rivals of her uncle set their house on fire. This time fate seemed to favor her and she make a run for her life, leaving everything behind.
Perhaps life is a blessed curse,
Cold as a fireless hearth
But she has to live it
With grace,
Till comes time for the hearse.
She spoke to me fondly of passions and talents and then apologized for speaking at all.
And when I asked her, why?
A single tear came rolling down her cheek.
All because somewhere in her life, someone she loved broke her heart by ignoring her words and telling her to stop.
And it torn my soul apart.
People aren't born sad, we make them that way.
She was the girl, who wake up when the sun rises, will assure herself that she is okay by checking her pulse.
I remember once when I was about to greet her in the morning, she whispered,
"I don't want to wake up, in a nightmare again."
"What nightmare?"
"Life." She replied.
She wept beneath the wild sky, lost herself in trees among the ever-changing leaves. Wanted someone to understand her words without judging.
She was the girl, who was living for the happiness of others. Was blaming herself for the things happened in her life.
But she was so misunderstood.
"You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you even if it hurts some people."
I wiped the tears out of her eyes.
She sold the home where she belong,
She sold the sail while lost in tide,
She sold deception for faith,
She sold her life, for what end?
For her, no reward here
No salvation there.
───※ ·❆· ※───
