First to Reach | sihwa

Chapter 4

As a cursed immortal with a challenge to face, Park Seonghwa can say, from personal experience, that epiphanies are not nice when it happens in the middle of a class.

Did Sihyeon first say "pay up" or "I'm sorry"? Which one of the two was what she said when they met?

Because, there's this feeling in both phrases/sentences. A deja vu kind of feeling. But you don't know which is real and which isn't.

It just snaps in him, like a click, while his mouth is running words and words of lecture. Several students noticed, but he pretended nothing happened. Take a mental note and think about it later. Now, focus on discussing difference between participative and representative democracy.

When class is over, he grabs his book bag and heads directly towards the pantry to get a drink. He desperately needs to think and write the epiphany down.

Pay up

I'm sorry

Seonghwa stares at his notes. He really doesn't remember which of these two lines were Sihyeon's first words to him. At first, he thinks it's pay up, but after recalling the events of him as a monarch finding Aisha and Sihyeon in a secluded spot, he thinks it's the I'm sorry.

So it's back to square one?

Again?!

Suddenly, the door of the pantry opens, and he immediately closes his notebook.

"Tough day, huh?"

"At least knock, Joong," Seonghwa says with faux annoyance.

"This isn't your room???"

"Right. Sorry." Right.

Hongjoong presses his bottle on the little thing on the water dispenser. He watches it fill with water. "Okay, well, good luck on whatever it is you're dealing. I still have class to attend to."

"Thanks. You too," Seonghwa replies, but tries to keep the sincerity in his voice.

Seriously, how much more lives does he have to suffer living? He keeps on re-learning, re-discovering, and re-reminding himself about all the shit that happened before. He keeps on moving forward, keeps on abruptly stopping that growth, keeps on going back to square one with no knowledge of his previous progress.

And now, after several hundred years, he's going back to square one — again?

Because — seriously — it feels like this: you recently had your braces and they're tightly hugging your teeth. It hurts so, so bad, but there's nothing you can do. Or maybe like this, too: when you have soap in your eyes but you can't wash them off because you can't locate the freaking water supply. It hurts.

He just wants to be free. Gods.

-

Meanwhile, Sihyeon is having a lunch out with both Yunho and Yeosang in a nearby convenience store. With Yeosang, of course, eating his beloved chicken.

All paid by Sihyeon's money.

"So the deja vu thing is a whole lot of bull," Sihyeon announces in the middle of their pointless conversation about The Matrix. "Haven't experienced it for the last hundred years." And that's the truth.

"And that's on being overdramatic!"

Sihyeon knows Yeosang was referring to the hundred years bit. She badly wants to say how much of it is the truth.

"You can't force deja vu to happen to you," Yunho explains patiently as they eat. "It's usually triggered."

"There's this movie called the Thirteenth Floor, and this character named Jane Fuller said that deja vu was like. . ." Yeosang waves his chicken in the air, "what you feel when you have love at first sight?"

"Isn't that nonsense?"

"I don't know, Sih, maybe you should try having love at first sights," Yeosang says unhelpfully. Yunho laughs at that.

From the way Sihyeon sees it, she's at the losing end. First, she couldn't force deja vu for the past week, so she really couldn't remember anything. Second, Seonghwa already knows one thing. He's on the lead! What a lucky rat. And third. . . the methods that are available to her at the moment are absolutely, horrifyingly ridiculous.

It's literally stupid and ridiculous. What is she gonna do, walk past by strangers? Stare at them as she walk? Wait for love?! She can't keep living like this anymore — wake up, be a child, live the child's life while having constant dreams, flashbacks, and realizations, and live as an adult.

Being an adult is the worst part. Things are so mechanical and she can't even freely open up. Then she sucks it up until she finishes this life before moving on to the next one, where all of her progress are not assured to be saved and stored in her brain.

But how is Seonghwa holding up so well, though, if they were coming from the same roots?

"I'm going to win," Sihyeon mutters, nearly stabbing her meal.

"Win what?" Yunho asks, just as he was putting down his drink. "Are you insane or something?"

"Hwaseong's heart?"

"Seonghwa," she corrects instinctively. Then she blinks. Hold on.

Why the hell did she. . ?

"Gotcha!" Yeosang laughs.

She probably needs more sleep.

"You had the nerve to stress Sihyeon out just now, huh, Serim," Yunho butts in like a puppy. "Serim. Serim. Serim Serim Serim Serim Serim Serim."

Yeosang raises a hand. "No, shut up."

"—erim Serim Serim Serim Serim Serim—"

"San San San San San San San San—"

By the time they are finished eating, they clean up after themselves. Before they leave the convenience store, however. . .

"Pay up, kids!" Sihyeon stretches a hand.

"We're literally older than you."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. . .

Wait.

It's like a lightbulb is switched on in her head.