Clare has been my friend for over a year now, since I was moved to another team. From that typical day she said "Hi" we're inseparable, we're like sisters. She's a year younger than me but because of her height and figure she looks mature for her age.
I've told her stories about my family, she knows my celebrity crushes, even my office crush whom she called "stony": the guy has bulging muscles you would easily think he loves the gym. She always rants about her mom, how she hates her strictness and how she loves to indulge and treat her during weekends. They're like cats and dogs. I bet she wouldn't need to be in a relationship to complicate her life at the moment. That space is filled by her mom. She's all that she got anyway. Her dad passed away when she was little. And she's without a sibling.
I'd have to say our friendship is stronger than stormy weather. I remember a time when a typhoon just hit the city while we're in the office both afraid to go home in the aftermath but we don't want to be stuck in the office either. Holding an umbrella, we braved the rain, we went the same way together. She offered me her arms even before I asked, too worried the wind could blow my petite figure away; she's my anchor when strong wind blew in our direction.
We also take our lunch and breaks together; get coffee and go to the restroom together. That month, it was announced our team schedule should be followed religiously to handle the queue of the calls coming in. We'll have different lunch and break schedules. Clare checked mine, she's dismayed we can't go together. I see I'll have the same schedule as Flint, he's the guy who always teases Clare. I don't know if he's asked to court Clare or Clare must have discreetly told him she's too young and that her priority's her mother, her career and not a relationship.
You see, it's fun to see them together, they're subtly flirting whenever there's a chance. Flint would usually choose a seat next to Clare. I think my friend has got a crush on him too. The guy's persistent and I'm used to his presence now. We casually talk, sometimes he would try to tease me, he's a good guy with a few bad boy habits I think.
Clare went to Flint and asked him his schedule. I heard her say "Hey Flint, you'll have the same schedule as Jenny, can you go with her for lunch? She'll be by herself, just for today, please?" Flint looked in my direction, said he's usually taking his lunch a floor above us. I said it was okay. I usually see him eating in our own pantry, though. But maybe he wants a different environment, usually the food in the pantry in all floor levels was just the same.
I agreed to go with him. He first went out, I saw him in my peripheral. I was still on a call, after wrapping it up I headed on to the pantry he mentioned. I saw he had his plate in front of him, he started to eat while I fell in line for my order. That's okay, I don't expect him to wait for me anyway. I mean we're following a schedule, so we don't have the luxury to wait, especially to him who has the need to go on cigarette break after his meal. I knew it from Clare. I put my food on the table, he's almost done. I told him he can go on his own after he's done and don't mind me because I always took my time eating.
We're seated on the very far corner and his back is on the door. While busy munching my food, I saw him consciously looking around us, he did it again so I also looked around trying to see what the fuss was. He's finished his food in a hurry, said he has to go down for his much awaited break with friends just as I expected. And in a flash he's out of my sight.
I get what this is. I think I now know why he chose this floor, this seat, why he's in a hurry, and why he seemed like a spy conscious of the people around. He's afraid someone from our floor will see me with him and he doesn't want anyone teasing us. He just can't say no to Clare, I'm Clare's friend and he needs to be a gentleman. Gosh, I felt like a burden so suddenly. Was I too bad for someone to get scared being paired with me? Few minutes of being with me and he can't even stand it? He's good looking so that must be why. I thought he was kind, the way he's interacting with me when I'm with Clare. This act that he just pulled really shocked me. I know I'm not good looking but to be treated this way I must be too horrible or too ugly for a guy's liking.
Since then, I was convinced I'd better be off alone rather than have a guy companion who obviously prefers to have a good-looking girl on his side. I am not that girl. Far from it. No matter how I try to be a good home buddy, or show off qualities being a caring, loyal, and thoughtful companion, no matter how I pretend to be smart and act cool, I am and will definitely not be good enough for a guy. I am like a tiny leaf who would never get to open up to the world, ashamed and fearing of what the world has to say, I dare not leave my comfort zone until I withered.
