Blue | Phan

〖 one 〗

Dan had never seen color, and he reckoned he never would.

Dan poked at his food with his fork. He was having a rather melancholy day, which had been becoming more and more frequent as of late.

"Dan, sweetie, why aren't you eating?" His mother chirped.

Dan frowned. He hated his mother. Or, at least, he hated what she had become. When his father died, nearly ten years ago, his mother had taken it so hard she stayed locked in her bedroom for over a month. Dan had to stand outside her door, crying and begging her to eat or drink water. She barely spoke to him for nearly three months, and it took a year before she began building the facade she wore currently. She was always smiling now, and was never mad or said anything negative. Dan honestly found it horrible, and quite unnatural. She seemed like a robot.

"Sorry, mum, I'm just not very hungry," Dan forced a smile and stood up, taking his plate to the sink.

"Well, I suppose you did eat a big lunch!" His mother laughed. Dan had not, in fact, eaten a big lunch. He'd barely eaten at all. "I love you!" His mother kissed him on the forehead.

"Love you too," Dan mumbled, shuffling towards the stairs.

Dan grabbed the small notebook on his nightstand before face planting into his pillows. He had been keeping a journal of his life every day since he'd been locked indoors.

On Dan's eighth birthday, six months after his father had died, his mother made the decision to restrict Dan's time outdoors. He wasn't allowed in public places, and he could only play in the backyard with his mother's supervision. He also wasn't allowed on the internet, and he was only permitted to play single-player games. His mother's heart had been shattered when her soulmate had met his untimely end, and she planned to never let Dan be hurt in that way. If he could never meet his soulmate, he could never lose them, right?

Dan scribbled down the days events with a bored sigh.

Everything was old to Dan. Every game he played reminded him of the fact that he'd never be able to see colors under his mother's ruling. Every sketch he made was just another thing he'd never get to see. Every person he doodled was someone else he'd never get to meet. Every book he read was another experience he'd never get to have.

Dan finished writing and shoved his notebook underneath his pillow.

He was tired.

Dan fell asleep feeling hollow, not for the first time that week.

~~~

"Dan, sweetie, wake up!"

Dan rolled over, squinting into the nearly-fluorescent-bright ceiling light in his room. What time was it?

"Hrrmmphp," Dan mumbled ungracefully, tugging a pillow over his face to block out the light.

"Dan, get up."

Dan dragged the pillow off his face exaggeratedly, letting his eyes adjust to the light. His mother was standing over him with a slight frown on her face, probably out of annoyance.

"Dan, I have to go to the grocery store, okay?" His mother's smile reappeared.

"Yeah, okay," Dan sighed.

"I'll be back in an hour or so! Be good!" Dan's mother called before disappearing from Dan's doorway.

Dan glanced at his clock on his nightstand, seeing that it was 10 in the morning. He groaned, rolling over. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but Dan knew better.

Shuffling into his kitchen, Dan located the box of Frosties on the counter and fixed a bowl.

He decided to go into the unused guest bedroom to eat, as it had one of the few windows in the house that hadn't been blocked off. It faced the side fence of the yard, meaning nobody would be able to see anyone inside, and more importantly, Dan wouldn't be able to see anyone outside. It was still Dan's favourite place to go when he needed some sunlight, although it rarely ever got direct sun.

Fuck, Dan wanted direct sunlight.

The last time he had tried to sneak outside to play without his mother's permission, padlocks had been put on every door and window. Dan was ten.

However, after five years of quiet obedience and fear, the locks were taken off as Dan's fifteenth birthday present. Not that he was allowed to use them, though. It was supposed to be some sort of sentimental thing that showed Dan's mother trusted him or something. Dan still thought it was bullshit. Not that he was about to express that, but it was bullshit nonetheless.

Dan sat there for a while longer, eating his Frosties and basking in the little sunlight he could get while his mind wandered.

Eventually, his mind settled back on sunlight. Dan just wished he could get a bit more than the feeble rays shining through the side window.

And that's when he was struck with an idea.

~~~

[A/N] Aaaand here it is!!! Yikes, this took so long to write, seeing as it differed so much from the first draft...

I've proofread this about 5 million times, but sorry if there's still any typos or grammar issues, haha.

Anywayssss... Hope yall enjoyed this! Idk whether anyone will ever read this, but hopefully someone will decide its worth it lmao.

I'm gonna try to update every week?? Don't worry, we can all watch that go to shit together when I next update June 2021 :)

Anyways, if you're reading this, ily, see you next chapter <3

-Rei

i promise next chapter will be longer eek