The Lost Dreams

Chapter One - The Beginning

My mother use to say the reason she named me Lavender was because that was the first scent she smelled when I was born. The funny thing is that she had a huge name list for when I was born, but she went with the first scent she smelled when I came out. Or at least that was the only Consistent way she told me. Even at a young age I knew something was wrong with my Mother, starting with forgetting to pick me up from school. But later on it started getting worse, she started forgetting my birthday and who I was. It took a huge toll on me at the beginning, knowing that my own mother was forgetting me. I couldn't stand seeing her in pain. Even to this day I still wonder if pulling the plug was a good idea. Once it happened I finally moved out to the countryside to live in a cute little cottage with its own garden. Christine always tells me that I need to stop doubting myself, that I'm too hard and aggressive on myself. I want to believe her but some nights its hard. waking up in the middle of the night with thoughts of my mother makes it hard to believe her. The only way for me to get away from that is to go down to the creek and just listen to the sound of the soothing water gild its way through the path its created for itself. 

She always has to come get me or else I'll fall asleep. "You'll get eaten if you stay out there." she'd say. Sometimes if I'm really out of it I'll believe her, but she doesn't need to know that. But other nights, sleeping comes just as naturally as breathing is. And waking up next to the love of my life is all I need sometimes. When I'm the first one to wake up, I like to lay there and admire the way she looks in her sleep. How beautiful she looks when shes at peace. I wonder if she feels the same way I do when she wakes up and I'm still asleep. On days like this we like to invite Kayla and Wren over for a picnic out in the empty field, past the creek and the tree lines. But before we do anything, We have to stop by town before we go get them. We don't own a car so we ride on our bikes, its better for the environment and it gives us time to look at the beauty of the countryside and what it offers. With the bright blue sky and imperfect clouds, with the wild flower fields and the wide groves of trees. We stop by the local bakery to pick up a loaf of bread to bring along and another to take home, buying little sweets for desert after the main course. We pack it into the cute picnic basket that Christine hand wove last month and went off to get our friends. 

biking down the gravel roads is always a little difficult but its worth it. When we arrive Wren is already waiting for us on their patio, wearing a pair of cuffed mom jeans and a turtle neck with a small basket in hand and a blanket to sit on. Inside we can hear Kayla causing a ruckus due to always being behind in getting things together, but its all in her wanting everything to be up to her standard. Wren rolls their eyes and smiles, waiting for their love to come out. She comes out in a yellow sundress with two french braids in her hair, holding another small basket. All four of us start riding down the road, watching the trees go by. The field is in full bloom of all sorts of beautiful flowers, ranging across the rainbow in colors. We set up in the middle of the field, laying down the blanket and unpacking what was in the baskets. In the first basket that Wren was holding, is four ceramic plates and silverware along with napkins, cups and hand sanitizer. In the basket Kayla was holding is some of her homemade jam from her own little garden. And in our basket is the loaf of bread and sweets along with vegan lunch meat to make sandwiches and home-brewed tea. We started dishing everything out and talking and making jokes. "So what have you two been up to this past week?" Asked Wren. "Oh you know" Christine stated to answer. "Lavy is on her third knitted blanket right now, and I've been reading a lot. What about you two?" She asked. "Kayla has been baking a lot, 'I want to pick up as many hobbies I can' she says, but at least our house smells good." Wren laughed. "And you didn't bring any to share? Now that's cruel." I Joked.

It seemed we spent hours out in that field, just talking and admiring the field. Joking and messing around, just loving life. I know that sounds cheesy but its true, it seems as if time stopped around us, as if nothing else mattered except for us. We finished our food and laid down on the blanket watching the clouds go by. Christine padded her lap for me to rest my head on, it felt like I could just fall asleep right here, right now. The evening came along with the time for us to leave. we packed our things and bid our goodbyes to one another, waving one last time. Christine and I got on our bikes and headed back home, passing the town, trees and farm animals. Arriving back home, we put our bikes in the garden area and checked the mail. Making our way inside we took off our shoes and set the mail on the kitchen counter. Christine went to go shower first while I stayed in the living room, Continuing to knit the blanket I was working on. Twenty minutes later Christine came walking out with her hair up and with a towel wrapped around her body. "The shower is all yours Lavy baby." she called from the bedroom. 

I set the blanket down back on the knitting basket to be continued later. I got up and walked into the bathroom setting my towel down on the counter. Turning on the shower head and setting the temperature and stepping in. Letting my thoughts back in, sometimes it can be a good thing but it usually ends with me crying in the shower because I overthought Christine's and I's relationship. I know I should tell her about it, that shes too good for me and for her to tell me i'm wrong. For her to hold me in her arms and tell me i'm worth it and that she wont leave me. I wipe the tears away as I step out, grabbing my towel and wrapping it around myself. I walked into our bedroom and Christine is laying in bed with her glasses on and book in hand. Putting on my underwear and oversized shirt I slipped into bed with her, Hoping tonight is a good night. She turns off the lamp and puts her book and glasses on the bedside table. She turns to look and me and we Fall asleep in each others arms. I just Hope its not one of those nights, please just be a good night.

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Hello my peoples!! I am back with a new story!!!!!! I hope you guys enjoy this one just as much as my last one!!! - Mama Kayla