Just Out of Reach

Ch. 6: Hanging Up My Heart for You

You didn't want to push him because you figured everyone else had already been doing this all of his life.

You got the feeling that Peter had always felt the need to prove himself, and it had all started the night his uncle Ben had been murdered. Peter had come to blame himself for every minuscule thing that had happened to anyone around him ever since.

You had a feeling if you got a paper cut, Peter would blame himself for letting you hold a book and flip a page.

And wherever Peter had opened up to you, you'd opened up in turn. You'd told him about growing up in San Francisco, and the apartment your family had lived in. Your childhood cat who you were sure had been possessed by a demon, and when you'd broken your best friend's arm.

Peter had laughed, apologized for laughing, and then laughed some more. Watching his eyes crinkle in the same smile lines as May's was something you never wanted to forget, and so you told him as many more stories as you could to keep him laughing.

You told him about your disaster prom date, and the one time Aggie had found you making out with your high school boyfriend in her car. You told him about the anxiety you felt whenever you were working on a deadline, and how you always felt that whenever you were helping others it would never be enough. Someone somewhere was always going to need something else, and you were never going to be able to be everywhere at once.

Peter asked about your dad and you told him all you could. About the bedtime stories, the cookouts, bring your daughter to work days, and the time you'd cried when a boy had stood you up to the movies so your dad took you anyway and bought you a large popcorn.

You both talked about loss, and you cried a little and Peter kissed your forehead and held you close.

"Do you want to talk about exes?" you had whispered, hesitant to even bring the subject up, but knowing if you were ever going to be with Peter in any capacity that hesitance wasn't something you should feel.

Peter had stuffed his face into his pillow, his hand tugging around your waist a bit more as he pulled you closer.

"I'm ... not ready yet," Peter had finally admitted, "But I'm not seeing anyone right now, if that's what you're asking. I'm done with Gwen. I told her I was done days ago."

"For now?"

"Forever," Peter affirmed.

"Felicia?"

Peter grimaced, "I have to see her occasionally."

"Have to?"

"I can't tell other's secrets," Peter looked pained, "I wish I could. I wish I could tell you everything. And I'll tell you all of mine, but her secret is not for me to share. It won't compromise anything, and I won't be seeing her unless it's occupational. But ... But she's a part of my life ... against my will, kind of."

"Occupational?"

"Yeah, meaning -"

"I know what 'occupational' means, Peter," you'd giggled.

You hadn't pried, and you didn't really want to. There was this weird aura around Felicia and Peter whenever you'd seen them together. Like two halves of the same magnet that pushed and pulled against one another. To say you were jealous was obvious, ever since that first night when you realized they were friends with benefits.

But Peter said he wasn't "seeing" anyone, so where did that leave Felicia?

Where did that leave you?