✿ᴮᵉᵃᵘᵗʸ ᶦˢ ᴾᵃᶦⁿ✿ [βιΙΙdιρ]

*•°✖°•*

       Who did he see?..he couldn't answer that. He didn't know who he was. He never did- well he did before all this disaster, but that was in the past. Now. He just couldn't seem to see himself in his own reflection, each second he saw himself, he found himself seeming more like a stranger. A person he barely met. He saw several people in his reflection, he saw a glance of Mabel. Whenever he was Mabel he always despised having to put on those stupid hair extensions, they were always uncomfortable. He hated even more of the fact that he had to even put on a dress from time to time, he didn't disagree with cross dressing, but it just wasn't his thing. He wanted to put clothes that made him comfortable, dresses or skirts just weren't one of those..he then would see Mason in his reflection. The Mason that his mother put him out to be, the part of him that was barely conscious. The one that just took the beating with no hesitation, the one that his mother fucked up greatly. The one that could've grown out to be himself, but his manager prevented it..he never liked the name Mason. It reminded him about how his mother said it with venom, the way his manager despised saying it. She just seemed to dislike him, but not to the point she would disown him..sometimes he wished he could hate her. He wished he would actually loathe her, but he just couldn't, he loved his manager. Cared about her. He wanted to make her happy, and he would do whatever it took..even if it meant having to get harmed in any form..

       And then he would see Dipper.

       Dipper was the one he wanted to be. The one he truly was, he knew that Dipper was himself. It wasn't anyone else. Dipper was someone that didn't belong to his mother, he was someone that wasn't changed by his manager, he was someone that never happened to change for anyone. He probably only liked the name Dipper, it was a name that would confuse him when he was little, but he recalled when he was told onto why it was his middle name. He had a strange birthmark on his forehead- obviously he wasn't a fan of it. He didn't hate it, but he just found it odd. His mother use to say how it made him unique in his own way- bullshit. He had to always cover it, even if he was himself. He covered it on purpose, but he had to literally cover it with foundation when it came to disguising as Mabel. That stupid birthmark would've been the biggest hint of who he was if he never covered it, but..sadly he did. He never questioned his managers actions. He always wanted to stay as Dipper, just be completely aware and conscious of himself, but it never happened. He wasnt ever Dipper for a complete day, he panicked whenever his attitude switched. It was stupid, but it was true. He hated how he couldn't completely call himself Dipper.

       He just wanted to be someone.

       He was someone. He knew he was. He just had to find himself harder.

         He took a deep breath, sighing softly as he took in the air. He let his eyes slowly open more, he let his body finally soften, not in a bad way..more in a comfortable way. He felt his hands stop shaking slowly, he felt the way his body slowly began to be in control. He let his own thoughts comfort him, not the toxic ones. Just himself. He comforted himself. He wasn't in anyone's control anymore, his manager was finally gone. Vincent was fine. Ruby was someone he could trust. He was fine. He was finally alright.

       He was back in control.

       Dipper let his eyes open normally, they weren't half open or tiredly open, they were back to normal. His body was obviously still tired, but his mind was back in control. Well..for now. He knew he couldn't entirely be mentally stable, he was aware of that, but he was relieved that a part of him was still alive. Dipper was still apart of him, he was back. He wasn't gone, his logic wasn't slowly dying, his hope wasn't dead. Himself, his actual self, he was slowly becoming real again. He wasn't some small piece of hope that would easily die, he was himself, he was the one in full control over himself-