Wounded

                                                                                             Part 1

The journey of Life has pros and cons, we may not always like them but, they are there. Life can be rough at times, but we can work our way through it. My life journey thus far has been pretty eventful. It all started at the age of eleven, halfway through my fourth grade year. I was halfway through my fourth grade year when my mom got with a man. One week after they met, my Mom, Brother, and I moved into his house with him and hes two sons. When we first moved in with him I liked him and wanted him to be my new stepdad. Life was perfect, so I thought. We moved in and he always had a smile on his face and cooking something. He did lots of fun stuff with us. Things were going good until we hit the two month mark.

Two months went by, that's when it all started. My new stepdad started hitting my mom, and all of us kids. It was not super bad. Two weeks later the abuse became more frequently and with more force. My mom and new stepdad started drinking a lot. Drinking intensified the abuse more. He started grabbing me by my hair and yanking my head back. Yanking my head back by my hair didn't bother me all that much, I thought he just did it to get me to look at him and listen. Next thing I new he was  grabbing my hair and throwing me around like a rag doll. This is the moment I realized that the drinking was going to get worse and with it the abuse would get worse.

My fifth grade year came, with it more abuse. The abuse was happening everyday at this point. I talked to my mom, and told her how I felt. She just ignored me and stood there and watched when he hit me. My fifth grade went by slower than ever. Summer was the worst for me because there was no escape from the abuse. Consequently when my sixth grade came around, I was home-Schooled. Granted my mom and stepdad had us doing school related stuff, it was more abuse than school. In that year so many things happened. My brother pushed my mom out of the way of my stepdad's punch. As a result my stepdad threw my brother who was in just a pair of shorts out of the house onto the concrete. That night my Grandma came and picked up us kids and kept us for a week.

The summer after sixth grade we all moved up to my Grandpa's place. The abuse stopped for the first couple of months after we moved in with my Grandpa. Nonetheless the abuse started right up again after two months of living with my Grandpa.  The abuse was nowhere close to minimal at this point.  My mom and stepdad were drinking and getting drunk every night, which worsened the abuse. My stepdad was always putting me down, which caused me to lose confidence in myself. He told me that I was a disgrace to my father and that my father didn't love me. He said that there was no such thing as God that he was God.

 In my eigth grade year of middle school, I tried to get help. I told my school counselors and school Psychiatrist about the abuse that was going on at home. Instead of calling CPS and making a report like they were supposed too, they called my mom. That night I got home and was beaten for trying to get myself help out of that house. The next day I went to school with bruises. My science teacher said that I needed to go talk to the counselors and psychiatrist. I told her that there was no point because I would just get beat when I got home again.

Things were very rough for me. I did so many things to boots up my confidence. I prayed all the time asking for guidance on what to do. I would tell myself that I am who I am and I am proud of who I am. I read the bible a lot of the time for comfort. When I was at school, I hung out with my friends and laughed at their jokes.

                                                                                        Part 2

The summer after eigth grade my dad and step mom took my brother and I for the summer. When we go to their house I breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. I knew that their home was a safe place. I wouldn't talk to them about the things that were happening at my mom's house because I was afraid my stepdad would hurt them. 

One night while my brother was at the fair, I broke down. I told my stepmom everything that was happening at my mom's house. I told her that I didn't want to go back to that house, I begged her not to make me go back to that house. I told her if I go back he will eventually kill me, I knew it would happen. All I wanted that night was my brother. My stepmom picked up my other brother and drove me to where my sister was staying. Once she dropped me off with my sister, my mom and brother went to the fair to find my other brother. My brother bought me a Fidget spinner from the fair, which helped to cheer me up. That night my brother and I stayed up until six in the morning watching Netflix. That summer they started the process of getting custody of my brother and I.

I found out that my stepdad was going to try to pimp me out to his friends if I stayed there. I found this out after my Dad got Custody of my Brother and I. I was thankful that he didn't get the chance to pimp me out to his friends because he did it to my Big Sister and she got in a Car accident and was lucky to survive. If my Dad would not have gotten Custody of my Brother and I I would have more than one child and probably be in the hospital or dead. I prayed and asked god to get out of the abusive house. He answered my prayers and my Dad got Custody. I got a better chance at life because I prayed for guidance and got it.

I am a Junior in High School, and am doing school online in the comfort of my home. I got a chance to do things that I never would never have gotten the chance to do if I stayed with my mom. I have ridden on Motorcycles, and am learning about how to maintain them. I got a chance to meet my Nephew and Niece. I have gotten to play with my nephew and get loved by him. I have another Niece or Nephew on the way. These are just a few things I have had the chance to do.

                                                                                           Part 3

I was given a second chance at life, and I took it more than willingly.  My life is moving forward in a positive direction.  Things were rocky when  I first moved into my Dad's house because I was rebellious. I harmed myself many times, most of the time for attention. I did not like the rules that were set in the house so I was always trying to loophole around the rules. Freshman year in high school I had to be taken to the hospital for stabbing myself in the hand with a pencil multiple times. We came to find out that the Anti-Depressant I was on was causing me to be more suicidal. My parents got me off the medication instantly and got me on a new one that helped tremendously.

I was in counseling for about a year and wouldn't participate because I didn't think I was that ill. My parents eventually withdrew me from counseling. Not to long after my parents pulled me out of counseling, I started journaling. Journaling has helped me a lot over that past few years. I was journaling every night until I was better, then I stopped. I stopped journaling thinking that I didn't need to now that I was doing better. I was wrong, I started to get ill in the head again. I started not being able to slow my mind sown at night, which made it harder to sleep.

I was having really intense nightmares for a long time. These nightmares had me waking up crying everyday. I couldn't sleep because I was scared which interfered with my school. My mom and I talked to my doctor about it and he put me on a sleep aid pill to help me not dream. The pill helped for a while, then stopped working. I began staying up most of the most of the night every night. I tried laying in my bed thinking about happy memories but it wasn't helping at all.

In the end my life is going so much better than I though it ever could. I journal every night for an hour, then spend another hour reading a book to take my mind off things and help me relax. I meditate once a week to get negative thoughts out. I color pictures , draw, paint, etc. I do arts and crafts. All of these things help me to stay in a good head space and continue moving forward everyday.