Ah, greetings reader.
Take a seat, have a drink, let's talk.
Now as we all know I haven't been the most busy of bees in the hive. Barley uploading, barley opening the app. I can't really help it. Things have been getting difficult as the years pass. I've gone through some extremely traumatic experiences and the antidepressants just don't do it anymore. I've been forcing myself to do more and more; till at one point it all came down all at one. When it did fall, it fell hard.
The stress, lack of imagination, lack of interest, and extreme event that messed me up has scattered me. They've made me into two beings.
This isn't a way of saying I'm in danger, at least not anymore. I've grown with my life with a mask, now that it's been slowly slipping off, I've found who I am. I've found who make make me up as a person, as one being. Right here in this account, you see someone who suffers from depression and large amount of stress. They're in a constant pain, a constant struggle to sense who they are. They are cold and distant. They refuse to talk about their issues at the worry of burdening the ones they know.
But, there's the other one. They're happy for once. They're the one who has found some sort of self worth; some sort of determination. The one who is open to listening to others, the one who is willing to talk more hits then you can imagine. She's warm...
The brighter side of me is growing each day now. She's becoming stronger and even more eye-opening then before. But, with right now, being stuck in a home that caused the side of worry to begin with; she's growing weak. She's becoming scared. She wants to care for the ones she knows, but what if, they are the ones who are at fault? What if, it really wasn't you? What if it was just a way of keeping you in a harmful relationship?
With that thought, the happier side grew a bit stronger.
I hope you all understand. Things are rough right now, but I have a feeling that when all the clouds are gone, the sunniest sky will show up. Our peace after the storm so to say. I hope not to burden you with the heavy thoughts of what my well-being may be, as my living situation is not the healthiest. But, I do wish to let you know that in some way, I'm handling it. Somehow, this stress has quickly grown in me, and it's removal won't be instant. But, I want to thank you for even wishing to see me again; to wonder how I'm doing. It warms my heart, and I just want to thank you all for supporting this far despite my ridiculous behavior.
There is a chance I may a new account. But, I won't do much. I will be different. I will not seem the same. But, I will be here. Just reading.
🌸 Thank you so much everyone. Please stay safe out there, and may you have a very, very lovely year. 🌸
