Dead to Me

Chapter 1

Click. Click. Click.

     The tip of the ball point pen continues to emerge, and then spring backwards, back into its home.

Click. Click. Click.

     The sound of the pen reminds me of the girl who sits behind me in chemistry who seems to be always anxiously clicking her pen. Usually, I have to give her a few dirty glances before she stops. I don't mean to be rude but the sound could drive me insane. But,this clicking is different.

Click. Click. Click.

     It's rhythmic. Calming. Consistent. Maybe that's why I find comfort in it right now. It's seems to be the only constant thing going on in this mess. Funny how this action could drive me up a wall any day, but I find calm in it while in a catastrophe. Today isn't like any other day.

Click. Click. Click.

     I want to tell the police officer who is clicking the pen that what he is doing is a common response to anxiety and nerves. But honestly, he should already know that. He's a cop for god sakes. It's his job to catch the liars. I almost laugh for a second but I bite my tongue. The police officers will definitely think something is wrong if I laugh in this moment.

     "Ms. Young. We know you have been through a lot but we really need you to help us out. What happened after you started following Mr. Easton and Ms. Foster?" The officer shifts annoyed as he speaks while the other continues to click his pen.

    The officers voice sprung me out of thoughts and back into reality. The cold air hits my skin. I shiver. The blanket the EMT gave me isn't doing me much. Or maybe I shivered at the way the officer called Avery "ms. Foster". It made her sound even more dead than she is. My throat feels hot and tight from the thought of her. I force myself to take a deep breath before responding.

    "Officer, all do respect, but do you know how common it is for someone going through something traumatic to black out during the event? Well, if you didn't know, it's pretty common. I've told you this and I'll tell you again. As soon as Wyatt sped up, I couldn't see with the rain and I lost them. I continue driving and I saw their car smashed into the tree. By the time I tried braking, it was too late and I slid right into the back of their car. I then slowly got out of my car. From that point on, I blacked out. I don't remember a thing. Can I please call my mom again to see where she is?" My voice rose as I spoke with rage.

    Both officers became quiet. The pen clicking even stopped. When the clicking stopped, it seemed like everything around became a reality. The questions I am being asked as I sit on the back of an ambulances tailgate is real. The smell of burnt rubber is real. The group of cop cars and ambulances is real. Avery being dead is real.

     "Elle, honey is that you?" My mother approaches in a frenzy.

     "Mom!" I leap off the edge of the ambulance and run towards her. When I finally reach her and hug her, it feels like I'm gripping on for my life. I begin to crumble into a mess. I feel like I'm 4 years old again and I just scraped my knee as tears fall down my cheek and my mom cradles me.

     "Are you okay?! Are you hurt?!" She untucks my head from her chest and grabs onto my face to look at it to make sure I'm not bleeding or missing an eye or something. If I were to tell her the truth it would be that I'm not okay and my hearts breaking. But I couldn't find the right words to explain the weight that was on my chest. So all I said was the first thing that kept popping into my head.

     "She's.... gone. Gone, Mom. Avery. She's gone." I stutter over my words as my eyes fill like oceans.

     My mom now grabs onto me like it's for her dear life. My tears begin to soak into her coat.

      "Elle, your going to get though this, alright? You're going to be okay." My mom's voice trembles and it surprises me. She isn't a crier. Even when my dad left she made sure not to cry in front of me. I knew she cried in her room at night but she was strong enough to not let her emotions take over her while I was around.

      "Did the EMT's check you to make sure everything was okay? Did they check your heart? When I was called by an officer I told them that you had a heart condition but I don't think he was listening to me..." my mom began to rant anxiously.

      "Mom, mom, it's okay. I wasn't checked out. I've been questioned by the police this whole time." I say in a huff.

      "Are you kidding me? That is unacceptable. You should have been checked out the minute the ambulance got her. I'm taking you to the hospital right now!"

      "Actually ma'am." The officer began to speak, "we need to continue to ask your daughter a few questions."

     I could see my mom's blood begin to boil. "Did you just hear a word I said? My daughter has a heart condition and no one around here has even made sure she was okay. I'll bring her in to the station to answer your questions some time soon but right now, my daughter needs to be medically evaluated."

    "Yes ma'am. I am so sorry ma'am! We didn't mean to offend you!" The pen clicking officer spoke.

     Without another word, my mom and I walked to her car. I look down at the wet pavement that reflects the flashing red and blue lights. Thats when I notice for the first time that my baby blue converse are splatted with blood. I slow down looking at my ruined shoes.

"Don't worry, I'll fix them. The stain should come out with a little bit of scrubbing." My mother tries to say calmly but I can sense the disturbance in her voice.

I honestly wasn't completely terrified that I had blood on my shoes. I was more scared of the fact that I don't even remember how the blood got their. I'm assuming it's Avery's but for all I know it could be Wyatt's or even mine.

I open the car door and slump into the seat. I buckle and lay my head back hoping all the thoughts in my head would soon pass. But most of all, I was praying. Praying that it was all just a dream.