drama // reddie instagram

thirty eight

tw: brief description of self harm scars/stitches/suicide attempt
(written chapter)
~

bill was sitting beside a hospital bed. not just any bed, one that was occupied by his boyfriend, stanley uris. he was hooked up to multiple machines, a horrific sight in bill's eyes. he was attached to a heart rate monitor that was going steady for the entire day now, but the auburn-haired boy couldn't bare to leave him alone. not like this.

he had been crying for nearly the entire day, which was worrying the hell out of the other losers. they came in occasionally, trying to pull bill away from stan to drink some water or at least eat something, though he stood his ground. he was too afraid that if he left for even a minute, stan would slip away.

bev, richie, and eddie were the ones who stayed in the reception room or the cafeteria of the hospital so that bill wouldn't die of starvation whilst waiting for stan to wake up. mike and ben were out buying gifts and flowers because they knew that the others couldn't pick out good presents to save their lives.

it had been hours since anybody had last checked on bill, just deciding that if he was ready to leave the room, he would do so.

suddenly, bill heard a slight shuffling beside him, looking over and seeing that stan's eyes were slowly opening.

"s-stan?" his words were filled with a sort of pain, laced with sadness. both old and new tears soaked his face, making his eyes a bright shade of pink from rubbing at them.

"hi, billy." stan whispered, his voice hoarse. he didn't want to talk, he was too ashamed of what he had caused.

"you scared me ha-half t-to death, stanny. i was here al-all day w-waiting for you."

"i know." the curly haired boy says, turning his head slightly to look into bill's watery green eyes.

"w-why did you d-do it?" bill asked. stan wasn't prepared for that answer. he knew they would ask it, of course, but he didn't have a good answer either way.

why did i do it?

"i don't know."

"you can't just s-s-say that! after y-you tried to k-kill yours-s-self, all you have to say is you don't k-know?"

"are you mad at me?" stan mumbles. he would understand why they would be. trying to end your life but leaving no note, no goodbye, no 'i love you', no reason? only an instagram post saying 'not sorry'? "it was selfish."

"no stan, d-don't say that." bill laced his fingers with stan's, almost as a sign that he wasn't mad, or disappointed.

"i thought i had to do it. i thought nobody cared about me, that they wouldn't miss me if i was gone. if my parents don't even fucking love me then why would anybody else?" stan breathes out, breaking eye contact with bill, who was speechless. "have you ever seen my arms, bill? do you know why i always wear long sleeves, even on facetime?"

"stan i-.."

"one time my dad made me roll up my sleeves and he saw what i did. and you know what he said? 'clean it up, stanley. next time think of better was to get somebodies attention.' i didn't want anybody to think that i wanted attention. i just wanted to go. i'm so sorry, it was such a stupid thing to do."

there was a moment of pure silence. bill was shocked. is that what he thought all this time? that he didn't deserve to live?

"stan, i love you more than i've loved anybody in my entire life. when you didn't answer my calls, i knew something was wrong because you never miss a call. i told everybody, because i was so worried about you. even if the whole world hates you i will always be there. i fucking love you stanny, i always have. and i always will, okay?"

"you didn't stutter once." stan managed a small smile, but it was genuine this time. bill smiled back, tears still running down his face.

bill got up off the chair he was placed in and leaned slightly over the bed, locking his lips with stan's for a kiss. it was soft, sweet, gentle. it was something the two had been longing for.

stan pulled away first, pressing his forehead to his boyfriend's. "i love you."

"i love y-you too, stanny." he stepped back, earning a small whine from stan, also causing him to reach one of his arms out to him.

"where are you going?" he groaned, stretching out his words.

"i h-have to go tell the o-o-others you're not dead, angel." the nickname made stan's heart flutter.

"fair enough." stan waved as bill left the room to talk to the losers, and he was sure that they would bombard him with questions and hugs and flowers, although at this point he didn't mind.

he had people that cared, and that's all that mattered.

~

birdboy slowly but surely 🙃

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(y'all thought that i would just kill him off like that? no way, we have things to do, the show must go on!)