Star Wars: The Forgotten Student

22.

"It's not your fault. Nobody could've anticipated it. The main thing is that we saved Markcol and found out some of the Separatist's plans."

"Yes, I suppose you're right, I just wish it could've happened some other way." Master Windu said, a regretful look across his face. I tried to smile at him, and show him that I was okay and alive.
"However, it seems a congratulations are in order." He added, perking up a little.

"What?"

"Don't you remember what I said, If you were successful on this mission? All the charges against you have been dropped and your place as a Jedi Knight has been restituted." A big smile grew across his face.

I stayed quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say. Of course, I was happy and absolutely elated, but I didn't know if I was ready to be back. I had lived out the last three years of my life breaking rules, doing as I pleased and not caring about anything. I didn't know if I was ready to go back to a life of strict rules and regimes. Most importantly, I had spent three years looking out for myself and doing what was right by me. If I was to return to my place as a Jedi Knight, I would have to immediately switch back to putting others needs before by own and following what ever the Council said, I didn't know if I would be capable of turning my life around again.

"Thank you, I'm honoured, truly. But I do not think I am ready. May I have some time to gather my thought and think about it?"

Master Windu looked a little shocked that I didn't jump for joy and immediately accept his offer.
"Of course, take some time to rest and clear your head."

I smiled then bowed to him and walked out of the room.

I had been allocated a room in the Jedi Temple, it was nice, with a big comfortable bed and a spacious balcony that looked over the crowded skies of the skyscraper filled city. I spent the rest of the night there, I cleaned myself up and spent some time just watching the busy sky go about it's daily life.

When I went to bed, I expected myself to fall asleep within seconds. But as soon as my head hit the pillow and my eyelids drifted shut, I was poisoned with flashbacks and visions of being back on the Star Destroyer, and back in that chair. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the four walls of that cell, I saw the officers who electrocuted me, I heard the sound of my own screams echoing through my head. It was almost like I was actually there again, it all felt so real. But they were only dreams.

I shot awake, scuffling around in the sheets and breathing heavily, my heart was pounding. I ran my hands through my hair as I tried to calm myself down. I kept telling myself that it was only a dream, that it wasn't real and that I was safe now. But I just got more tense and stressed.

Suddenly, there was a quiet knock on the door. I went over and opened it a little, peering out. It was Anakin, once I saw his face, I opened the door a little wider.

"Hello." I said, a little confused.

"I can sense your anxiety from the other side of the temple, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I'm just struggling to sleep."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

I nodded and opened the door to let him in. We walked out onto the balcony and leant on the barrier.

"So what's the matter?" Anakin asked.

"I know I've only been back one day, but I wasn't expecting my mind to react this way. When I tried to sleep, all I could see was that room, it was almost like I could feel the electricity, striking through my body again." My voice was weary.

"I used to get nightmares too." Anakin said.

"How did you get rid of them?"

"I suppose I just dealt with them. We all have demons and we all face them differently. It's up to you how you deal with these situations."

I sighed and ran my hands over my face.
"I've never felt like this; weak and vulnerable. I can't let my emotions get the better of me."

"Delta, you were put through pain and anguish for three months. It's okay to be feeling like this."
Anakin said.

"Master Windu has offered me back my Jedi knighthood." I said, changing the subject away from my emotions and feelings.

"That's great, did you accept his offer?"

"No, not yet." I bluntly said.

"What, why not?"

"I don't know if I'm ready, or if I even want to. Being on Tatooine, not tied into rules and regulations, I realised how much I loved freedom, how much I enjoyed not having to follow orders and act a certain way." I said, smiling a little bit.

"But you dedicated so many years of your life to training, to the Jedi Order. Are you really going to throw it away?"

It really made me think when Anakin said that. He made a good point. I had devoted years of my life to training and worked so hard to earn the rank of Jedi Knight, I remembered how much the moment meant to me at the knighting ceremony. I was a little lost for words.

At this point, I really didn't know whether to leave or stay with the Jedi Order.

Hello,
Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed.
Always happy for feedback and constructive criticism! :)
-A