Harder to Live (Villaraza Series #3)

02. Skin

02.
Skin

━━━━━━━

Sa ikatlong pagkakataon, inangat ko ang cell phone ko para tumawag. At sa ikatlong pagkakataon, bigo akong muli.

It had been almost a month since I talked to Steve. Paalis siya noon papuntang Africa para sa isang mission ng mga doktor. He was luckily chosen to be one of those selected to participate in a volunteer mission in the said place. Magmula noon, hindi ko na siya nakontak pang muli. At alalang-alala na ako. Alam kong sinabi niyang magiging sobrang abala siya roon. Pero sa ilang minuto lang ba ay hindi niya man lang ako magawang tawagan?

Steve and I had been together for almost seven years. Maayos naman ang relasyon namin. Just the normal. We fought, we understood, and we forgave. Sa ilang pagkakataon ay napag-usapan na rin namin ang pagpapakasal. He was my first love and my first boyfriend. Kaya ang isiping siya ang endgame ko ay hindi ko masukat ang aking saya.

Marami na ring pagkakataong nagkahiwalay kami nang matagal-tagal dahil na rin sa trabaho niya. He was a doctor and he was fond of doing volunteer works. But those times, kahit madalang ay nagkakausap pa rin kami. So this kind of setup we were in was bothering me to the core. This never happened before. Plus the fact that before he left he was acting different.

Kapag hindi niya pa ako kinontak sa mga susunod na araw, baka mabaliw na ako.

"Come on! Magiging choosy ka pa ba? You need work, Rio. And this is it!"

My lips moved while staring at my succulents absorbing the water I fed them.

"Teaching is a noble profession, couz. At 'tsaka ayaw mo nu'n? You'll be teaching future nurses, future doctors, etcetera! And the salary is not that bad," he further said with ardent conviction.

"I don't know," mahinang turan ko at tinalikuran na ang bintana.

"At least, try!" Bulalas niya. "Ipapaaala ko lang sa'yo, ah. Wala ka sa posisyong mag-inarte ngayon. You're swimming in debts. You're in the brink of bankruptcy. Hell, and you're even proud to refuse my help! Kung gaganyan-ganyan ka, wala kang patutunguhan."

I understood what he meant. He was just trying to help. But I never saw myself teaching.

Hindi ako sanay sa tao. Seeing myself in front of hopeful students was scary in a level that I couldn't contain. I felt like I wouldn't be a good teacher to them.

"Give this a serious thought, Rio," Randall continued. Halatang napipikon na sa akin. "Then, update me. But make it sooner. Maraming applicant na gustong makuha ang posisyong 'yan."

"Okay."

He ended the call.

Nanghihinang naupo ako sa sofa at napatulala.

Should I consider it? Tama naman siya. I was broke. Wala talaga ako sa posisyong maging choosy. I was in a dire need of money.

Bahala na nga.

Siguro kung nakakausap ko lang ngayon si Steve, mas malilinawan ako. Bukod sa boyfriend ko siya, he was also my best buddy. I never had a bestfriend. Friends, even. Kumbaga siya ang lahat-lahat sa akin. He played the roles that were missing in my life. And not being able to get in touch with him right now was torture. Wala akong mapagsabihan. Bumabalik ako sa dati akong gawi — pagsasarili sa problema. Pag-iisip ng mga worst scenario. Pag-aalala . . .