𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐋

bonus 2

"Ryder-"

"-g abomination of a class! The professor is such a fuckin' ditz, Pete, I can't take it! Now I have to set aside time to rearrange my planner, to study, to write this paper on a topic that was barely discussed, and to attempt to get more than two hours of sleep-"

"Sweetheart-"

Ryder's breath cuts short as she gasps for air (which can be mistaken for a sob), tears clouding her vision as she stops walking to stare at the ground, mouth feeling infested with unwanted saliva. His 'sweetheart's always get her, usually saying it whenever she rambles on about something she's stressed about, because he knows it calms her down and makes her take a goddamn breath.

"Peter, I don't know if I can do this," Ryder cries, tears brimming her eyes, her voice barely above a whisper in the ungodly hours of the summer night, "I-I'm going to be so far away from home, and I don't even know if people are going to like me, and if I want to come home I'm going to have to get a flight and those are crazy expensive right now, and I don't want anything to happen to us! Or...or your friends or mine..."

Soon enough, Ryder's a crying mess in Peter's arms, the boy merely shocked at the fact that her tears happen so suddenly, and he sits up from laying down on the picnic blanket, resting his elbow on the ground and propping himself up next to her as she cries facing the sky.

"Nothing's going to happen to us, Ry," he assures slowly, tracing slow patterns on her hip bone, "and you can do this. I know it's gonna be a change for all of us, but we're all so proud of you."

"I know," she says, but she doesn't really know.

Peter shakes his head lightly. "You better know, because we all love you, and you're going to find amazing friends at college. Your roommate you've been talking to sounds normal, which is always a good thing-"

"But I'm gonna really miss you...and I...I don't want to drift apart or lose interest because I'm terrified of losing you and-"

"Sweetheart."

Ryder immediately stops, her voice hiccuping as she looks up at him through clouded vision and a pounding headache, her eyes already bloodshot and swollen. Something about that word, that tone of voice he uses, a calming one that's an incantation to get her to shut out the world and her worries around her. Her thoughts cease to spiral and suddenly his doe eyes are the only thing she can focus on right now, even though she can barely see him with the moonlight.

"You are solely the most important person in my life," Peter whispers, his hand cradling her jaw and his thumb gently skimming over her chin, "you won't get rid of me that easily, I tend to be a nuisance."

"What?" she responds, quiet and defeated.

There's a moment's silence between them, the bristles of the trees wistfully swaying above her over the sound of her irregular heart beat, as she lets a tear fall, her breath staggered because of the extent of her quiet cries, still remembering she's in the middle of campus with dozens of other students. The pause between them, it feels like an epoch of time has passed, when in reality she knows the poor boy is trying to calculate his words very, very carefully, knowing how sensitive she is with her schoolwork.

Peter sighs over the phone. "Hun, I need you to do me a favor, alright? Just take a deep breath, I need you to remember that count you taught me, remember?"

Ryder remembers.

It was late one summer night, well, it was nearly dawn, and she had failed to go to sleep yet just due to her sleeping schedule being completely wrecked with no school. She was tinkering with her computer in her room when she nearly screamed at the sound of her window tapping, though her fears ceased when she saw Peter in the window, yet there was no smile nor suit, just a teary eyed boy wearing a thin shirt and pajama pants.