I Could Fall

Final Chapter

Napahinga ako nang malalim. Hindi ko alam bakit nag-init mukha ko sa narinig. He's in my room?

"O-Okay." I nervously glanced at the top of the stairs.

"Ihahanda na po ba namin ang dinner niyo?" tanong niya.

"Later," I said. I'm too distracted. "Thank you."

"Welcome po, Ma'am!" maligayang sambit niya.

Ngumiti ako at tumuloy na sa pag-akyat. Ang mabibilis kong hakbang ay bumagal. May kaba sa dibdib ko habang papalapit sa kwarto.

Nasa harapan na ako ng pinto ng kwarto ko pero hindi ako agad pumasok. Huminga ako nang malalim para kalmahin ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso. 

I hopelessly failed to calm my erratically beating heart, but I opened the door anyway. Wala naman na akong choice.

I found Ali sitting on my bed. He was deep in thoughts as he stared at the floor. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niya. He was holding the Minecraft Dolphin stuff toy that he got me before.

Isinara ko ang pinto sa aking likod. Agad na umangat ang tingin niya sa direksyon ko. He visibly let out a relieved breath when our eyes met. Hindi siya tumayo o gumalaw man lang para salubungin ako. I could see his jaw ticking from here. He's pissed.

"H-Hello," I weakly greeted. His face just hardened. "K-Kanina ka pa ba rito?" 

Hindi siya sumagot. Napahinga ako nang malalim sa kabang nararamdaman. My heart just won't stop from pounding inside my chest!

Naglakad ako papalapit sa kanya. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin nang nakatayo na ako sa harapan niya. He was so distant. Para akong nilalamig sa trato niya ngayon sa akin. Naiintindihan ko dahil may kasalanan ako. Paniguradong nag-alala siya.

"I'm sorry I left, Ali. I just needed to do something."

He brought his eyes back to me. His face shouted betrayal. "Was it that important?"

I gave him a sad look and nodded. "Yes."

"Where did you go then? Why weren't you answering my texts and calls?" tanong niya, inuulit nag mga tanong na nabasa ko sa texts. Suplado pa rin ang boses.

"Aakyat sana ako sa office nila Kuya, pero nakita ko si... Orion sa elevator. He'd been avoiding me for the past few days. I needed to talk to him, kaya sinundan ko siya," I honestly explained. "He didn't want me to answer the call, kaya wala akong nagawa."

Umuwang ang labi ni Ali sa paliwanag ko. Natunaw ang galit sa mga mata niya at kuminang ang lungkot mula roon. Dumaan ang sakit sa mukha niya.

"Do you like him? Am I too late?" he croaked. His broken voice sent a sting to my heart. "Wala ka na bang nararamdaman para sa akin? Fuck... I'm sorry, my baby. Am I making things hards for you? Ipinagpipilitan ko na lang ba ang sarili ko sa 'yo?"

I breathed in sharply at the vulnerability of Ali's voice. The floor quaked beneath my feet when I saw the tears rolling down his cheek.

"Fuck." He dropped the toy on his lap and covered his face, brushing away the tears from his face. "I'm sorry, Hyon."

"Ali, no," I finally managed to say. My heart felt like it's being compressed inside my chest. It hurts. I reached for his face. He looked at me with grief stricken eyes. "I talked to him 'cos I wanted him to thank him for helping me free myself from the guilt and to tell him... that there's no hope for us... 'cos it's still you... for me, Ali."

His lips parted. His tears stopped from coming but the pain was still afflicted on his face. I licked my lips. "I'm still scared and it will probably never go away, but I'll face my fears with you this time."