My Great Book Of 3 am Exsitential Crises

1. I'm a Dragon... whomst twas slain

I feel like a dragon who was told that one day, while guarding their treasure, they will finally meet their soulmate who loves them for who they truly are. And everytime, when a knight comes to slay me for my treasure, I feel like they must be the one. Then the knight goes and slices my throat and starts gathering all my guarded treasure to take for their own. But not before I reform, mend back together by magic, and torch the knight on the spot. Then I feel terrible. I know they just wanted to steal my treasure, but what if I ruined it by torching them and we could've compromised and fallen in love? And the worst thing? It only happened once. Now, I'm afraid of anyone that might try to take my treasure again. I hide myself in the farthest and most barren lands to make sure I never have to torch someone who tries to steal from me again. Yet... I still hope, I still dream of the day when that prince charming ( or PrInCeSs???) comes riding towards me on their white horse and delcares their love for me. Again, I'm scared. What will I do if I see them coming? Will I stay hopeful and just wait and hope they won't slay me as others did before? Or will I scorch them on the spot without hearing so much as a scream as they burn?

My barren land is safe. But so lonely. Yes, I have my bird and lizard friends, but will I ever find the one who truly loves me for who I am? A large and horrifying, yet magestic, beast? What if I am looking in the wrong places? Maybe all those knights will only want my treasure. Maybe one of my bird or lizard friends will show deeper feelings.

Maybe I will grow old and strong, but weak, and find my power drain. And maybe, once my power drains, I can't regenerate. Then, and only then, my destained lover will find me. But because I hid, they took too long. They slay me and I finally die, and before they could take any of my treasure, they also die, crushed by my large, once magnificent, body.

What do I do, when I am a large beast, and I am destained to love someone or something much smaller, but could cause me so much pain? What do I do, when I, a mighty dragon, become slain once again? What do I do, when I, a cold-hearted and feirce protector of my treasure, destroy any possibility of love?

What do I do when I'm too scared to fall in love again?

Or, most possibly, I am a tiny little lizard that once believed I was  a great and powerful dragon. And now I have shrunk, in fear of what might come.