Emo

~ Chapter 1 ~

A/N ~ Mentions of suicide & self harming

* Ben's p.o.v *

As I stepped out of my comfy and warm bed, I heard a metal clanging on the floor next to me. Ah yes, my blade. My head was throbbing and I could feel my arm still bleeding from not long ago.

I don't remember exactly what happened but with the half empty bottle of alcohol on my bedside table and several razor blades hidden amongst my bedsheets, I worked out what happened quite quickly.

I tried to commit suicide. Again.

Everyone says that suicide is an easy way out, but sometimes it's the only way out.

Everyone says that suicide eliminates the chances of things ever getting better but deep down inside you, something's telling you that it won't ever get better. That you'll be stuck in the deep end for the rest of your life, never getting out and slowly drowning.

Nobody ever understands. No one.

My arms were still bleeding at a pretty steady rate so I decided that I had to clean them up. As I stepped inside the shower, my arms stung under the warm water gently spraying over me.

As the shower slowly stopped, the blood from my arms was swirling down the drain. It reminded me of my life. I started off happy, carefree, but as soon as I came out of the closet, everything changed. My mother abandoned me and my father became abusive. Everybody at school found out and, like at home, I got punished for being myself.

Everyone treats it as a disease. That liking someone of the same gender is contagious, and people have often tried to give me therapy to 'cure' me.

I found some bandages hidden under the sink in the bathroom and wrapped them tightly around my wrists, making sure that the blood doesn't seep out from the bottom.

Once again I was finally ready for another day of hell or as some of you call it 'school', I grabbed my bag and climbed out of my bedroom window. It was a lot easier than getting caught by my father and getting beaten before school, it'll only make the other punishments hurt more.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

As soon as I reached the school gates, I could hear the bell ring violently from inside. The chatter of students from inside the building was gradually getting quieter as people were filing into their classrooms, ready for morning registration.

The door swung open slowly, as I had hoped, but the hinges on the door needed some serious oiling and the door started squeaking loudly until it was closed again. All eyes were on me, glaring and staring me up and down, like usual.

My seat was relatively close to the door so I didn't have far to walk. As I made my way to my designated seat, several insults were thrown at me. I'd heard them all plenty of times before, but they still hurt exactly the same as they did five years ago.

As the class settled down, the teacher cleared his throat and made an announcement to the class,
"Today, we have a new boy joining our class. I want you to treat him nicely and with respect, just like you should treat every other pupil."
I felt my face heat up. A new boy? This can never be good. The last new boy we had, Ryan McKay, made up a story about me trying to kiss him. I'm sorry, but even I had standards. I don't think anyone would touch him.

Once the teacher finally finished explaining the work, he walked up to me and crouched down to my level,
"Ben, I know you're not the most social person in the world, and I can understand why. This new boy that's joining the school, Alex, he's a bit like you. Now, I understand if you don't want to do this but, I'd really appreciate it if you'd show Alex around. You never know, you might even make a new friend! I'll let you think about it, if you could let me know at the end of the lesson."

Oh great. So not only is there a new boy, which is never good news, I have to show him around! Are they insane? Are they seriously trying to torture me?

The bell rang a short while after Sir had came to tell me about Alex, and everybody started to pack up their belongings. My pencil case, books, folders, iPad and my phone all went into my bag. Like usual, I was the last person to leave.
"Excuse me, Sir? About this new boy. When you say he's like me, how exactly do you mean?"

"Ah well, when he came for an interview, I noticed he wore the same clothes as you do. And he's openly gay, just like you. And he's moved from his old school to get away from bullying."

"Well, okay then. I'll see what he's like," What did I just say? "I've got to go, when will Alex be here?"

"He's waiting outside the classroom for you right now!"

As I left the classroom, there he was. Leaning against the wall with his earplugs in.