The Difference

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Jaemin looks down at his legs, taking a shaky breath. "I...I'm not sure....Everything hurts..." Jeno nods and takes the boy's hand, rubbing the pad of his thumb over Jaemin's palm. "It's always been like this, ever since their death I mean. I always break down. Cease any ability to function normally. It's always a twisted reminder that she's gone. I won't be able to live the life I wanted with her." Jeno shifts on the bed, and pulls Jaemin back onto his lap. He didn't like seeing the boy so broken, and he would try to be there for him in any way he could.

"I still have a picture of her on my phone actually." Jaemin smiles softly. "It was taken a week before the accident." He reaches for his phone, which he had seen on the bedside table earlier. He opens his photos app and scrolls in search of the photo. "She had taken my phone and taken a ton of photos. This was the only one I kept though." He turns his phone to Jeno, showing the older boy his late sister.

"She's beautiful."

"She is, isn't she..."

"You two look a lot alike."

Jaemin hums, continuing to look at the picture. It was taken right after they dyed their hair the beautiful honey-colored that Jaemin still had. Her big, doe eyes glistening in the sunlight, a spark of mischievous happiness gleaming in them. Her smile wide, teasily smirking at the camera as if to mock the future Jaemin for letting her spam his phone. She had a voice like honey. She shone brighter than a star, blinding the world with her light. If you thought Jaemin was an angel, then she was practically a goddess.

"She always held her age over my head, making me call her 'noona' all the time. She's only older than me by 2 minutes, but she always claimed it was 3." He laughs softly, tears stinging his eyes. "My mom always put her in her place though. Me and her were always getting Hayoon out of trouble while my dad would encourage her to take risks. It was always funny to see mom scold dad for letting Hayoon do something reckless again." He sniffs and locks his phone. Jeno looks at the sad boy in his arms, tightening his hold.

"She was sick actually." Jaemin nods to himself, as if to reassure his mind that it was ok. That he was safe. "Summer before 9th grade, we found out she had stage 4 lung cancer. She was basically a lost cause. And we all knew that we would probably lose her before the year was over. It never stopped my sister, though. She never changed, never got down on her luck. She always told me that she would live on. That she was immortal. That her sickness hadn't met anyone as stubborn as her before." He wipes his tears gently, gathering himself.

"I was always the crybaby out of the two of us. I was always the emotionally unstable one. She always had to tell me that she would live, but I think we both knew it was a lie at that point. You know, I'd only ever see her cry once. It was midnight and I woke up to her crying. I never realized how scared she must have been to have the risk of dying at any moment. She loved her life, and we had promised each other we would get through it together." Jaemin slowly stops talking and just stares off into space. His thoughts were scrambled all over his brain that he didn't even know what was happening at that point.

Jeno rested his head on Jaemin's shoulder, muttering a soft "I'm sorry." Knowing the boy probably didn't even hear it.

"She was the one who took care of me. But once she died, I really had no one. Mark didn't know me like she did. No one knew me like Hayoon. When we met Chenle, that's when I decided that I would grow strong. I would care for everyone like how she cared for me. I followed our childhood dreams. I began working at the bakery, I excelled on the dance team...I worked so hard for our goal. Our dream. I've applied to some of the best colleges Korea has to offer. I've saved up for an apartment. I became independent, because I knew that she wouldn't be there anymore to care for me. I had to care for myself. I've felt this way for so long...I'm honestly scared to let someone else in, you know?" He glances to Jeno's head that was still buried in his shoulder.

"But still, thank you. For caring for me. For being here with me. It means a lot." He smiles softly. 

Jaemin squeaks in surprise when strong arms suddenly bring him down so he's laying on the bed with Jeno clinging to his side.

"We go back to sleep now."

"Jeno! I was trying to be sincere! You can't just do that!"

Jeno only kisses his shoulder, making the boy blush. "I said we sleep." Jaemin just sighs and gives in.

"Be grateful you're warm or else I'd smack your sorry-ass to Mars." Is the final thing he says before curling up into a ball against Jeno's chest. His head nestled at the boy's shoulder, breathing in the scent. It was comforting to have Jeno hold him so tightly. He had no fucking idea what was happening, but he liked it.

Jaemin was still unsure of his feelings for the older boy, and he was scared to let someone back after all these years. But Jeno....Jeno just might be worth it.

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∆Hey guys, I know I said I would try and not rush the romance, but we're already at chapter 22 so idk lol. I never planned for it to be long anyways, so you know, it's not super surprising. Anyways, I do still have a few ideas planned out. I don't want to make this super fluff-fluff so there is a warning for mature~ish content ahead. I'll warn up just in case, but no full-on smut. I can't write that, it'd be so embarrassing to do so lol. Ok, I'll see you soon∆