She

Chapter 19 - Let Her Go

For the majority, it was a small chat, then a signing and maybe a quick selfie with each person. It was great to see the enthusiasm of the Whovians, and how much they enjoyed watching us on screen.

"How're you doing there?" Jodie asked in between signings.

"Surprisingly well, actually." I laughed. I was surprised. How was I talking confidently to all these strangers?

People soon came in dribs and drabs, coming every two minutes or so. I noticed I had completely finished my picture stack as well, meaning that it had been a pretty successful signing. I was happy, since it was my first one, and hopefully the Whovian public liked me.

I was just about to leave to join Jodie and Mandip who were talking together across the room, when a girl with very dark brown (to the point where it was almost black) hair just below her shoulders, chocolate eyes and a pale face with rosy cheeks. She looked about thirteen, with a tiny bit of gloss on her lips. I didn't see her parents anywhere either.

"I'm so sorry, I don't have any pics left." I apologised with a sympathetic smile.

"It's okay, I have my own." she said, passing me one. She was definitely English.

I scribbled my signature with a smiley face and handed it back to her. Before I could say anything, she began to speak.

"Since it was revealed that Rhys and the Doctor were in love, as in, in an LGBTQ+ way, it gave me the confidence not to hide from my parents anymore. For a year I've never told a soul about my sexuality, because I was afraid that people would judge me, avoid me, bully me, or just think that every time I touched a girl I was in love. It was terrible."

"But when I read the news, it sparked something inside me. The fact that an time-travelling female alien and a female time-travelling human can be in love, in my favourite TV show? I almost exploded on the carpet because I was so happy."

"I told my parents yesterday, and they were completely fine with it. I was overjoyed, and you gave me to bravery to do that. So I just wanted to say huge thank you for that."

I stared at her, my mouth ajar with shock. I couldn't believe Jodie and Is acting helped people this much. It was so amazing to think that! I didn't speak at all, a couple of tears in my eyes.

"I'll be there for your panel tomorrow. Bye Y/N!" the girl called, waving.

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Later, in the hotel, Jodie and I were sharing a double bed. We lay on our sides facing each other in the dimmed light. I told her about the girl, who's name I didn't even get, and she was as pleased and proud as I had been.

"Talking about revealing love to people..." I began, forming a sly smile on my face.

"What are you planning inside that head of yours Y/N?" Jodie giggled.

"Well, I was thinking, after our questions during the panel, we could publicly announce our relationship?" I asked hopefully.

Jodie's  eyes widened and the smile vanished from her face. "Erm.....I don't know.....I...." she stumbled, breaking eye contact too. I'd never seen her like this before, so nervous and lost for words.

"Sorry, it was a silly question to ask. I.....I was stupid. N-night Jodie." I mumbled, rolling over with a few tears in my eyes. I tried my hardest not to cry, to let her know that I was upset. I couldn't leave; I just had to suck it up.

"Y/N...please don't.....you know I love you, but..."

"But you love Chris too, yeah I know. And you don't wanna announce it to the whole world because you don't wanna leave him. That's fine, I understand." I said sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant, you know that's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean then?"

"I.......I don't know."

"There we are then."

I felt so hurt, like my heart had been torn from my chest and I was watching it be stamped on, ripped and burnt to ashes in agony. My whole body wished it was all a nightmare, but deep down knew I was in reality.

She doesn't love you. She never did love you. You've kissed, yeah, but that's about it. What, you really thought a funny, loving, popular woman like Jodie who's twenty times more than you actually cared about you? Pah! No chance love. Not a chance in the world.

"You know what, Jodie?" I asked, still turned away.

"Yeah?" she answered with all hope in her voice. It broke my heart to say what I was gonna say next, but I couldn't take this anymore.

"I don't think I want to be your girlfriend anymore. Night."