You all know that feeling... when you failed your task and how it eats at you. Well, I feel like I have failed at failing. I don't quite understand it, but... I don't know anymore. I feel even more so upset than I did yesterday. I feel like curling up in a corner for hours on end just sitting there letting the tears flow. I feel like sometimes that's the better choice, because no matter what I do I feel like I'm going to fail my friends. Like I'm going to say something wrong and they leave me entirely... and what worries me most is their safety. I'm scared of losing people... I'm even more so afraid of failing the ones I love... There's me... on the verge of a mental breakdown once again, wondering how I managed to fuck it up once again. How I managed to be even more of a nuisance to those I only wish to help. People see me as such... I know they do... some lie to my face and I can see in their eyes how they truly feel. But what of those people I can't see the eyes of... how will I ever know their true feelings. Answer, I won't. I don't know what's a truth, or a lie without proof. And what's even worse is I can't exactly ask for it... that always makes the situation worse... so what do I do... do I leave the issue at bay and just stay away like they want me to... or risk everything trying to help... I... I don't know anymore... and it's tearing me up... it's not like me to give up... but... I... I'm lost... broken beyond repair... and I don't know where the cracks started... I have nothing... I am nothing... nothing unique... nothing to call my own that makes me different... I'm just another person who can be blown off like dust in the wind... i can do it anymore... my heart is already shattered... I'm looking for the pieces... but they are long gone in the never ending sea of my failures.
