Falling in Love

Unsure and Nervous

      I came into high school with a mental wall around me. I had already been hurt so many times throughout my entire life and I thought that if I walled away my true self that I wouldn't be hurt anymore. Then I met this most amazing girl and the only thing I wanted to do after seeing her was to know her name and get to know her. At first, I was unsure and nervous about how I felt about her I knew liked her but I realized later on that it was more than that. I had fallen in love with her. I was unsure of how to tell that I loved more than anything in the world and that she makes me the happiest boy that ever lived.

    I didn't know what to do so I didn't tell her how much she meant to me until it was too late. I hurt her and I hurt her friends. I messed up more than any boy could have in the entire world and I fear that I have lost her forever and the thought of that breaks my heart and soul. If only had been brave enough to ask, brave enough to tell her that she means the world to me, brave enough to hold on to her and never have let her go.And not stupid enough to make all the mistakes I did which caused her to go away. When she smiles at me it feels like my world becomes brighter and happier. When I look into her eyes I can't help but smile.  There are times when I wish I could lose myself in her eyes. When she is near me my heart skips a beat. I have butterflies in my stomach whenever she is around because there is so much I want to tell her but when I go to tell them to her I can't.

    The things I wanted to tell her about how much she means to me and that she is the one I am thinking always at the back of my mind like a happy image of why I am happy and why I love her so.  Some people say it's not love that you feel for her you just like her a lot. My response to them was this; if love is not wanting every minute to be by her side, wanting to do everything I can to make her happy, wanting to protect her to my death, wanting to hear her laugh, wanting to see her smile, wanting to be there for her no matter what, and wanting to love her and care for her with all my heart, mind, and soul then you need to relook at the definition of then.

   I miss her so much. I miss seeing her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss being able to be me around her. I love her for who she is as a person I don't care that she has depression and anxiety that doesn't make not love that makes me love her more because she is honest that she has things wrong with her we all have things with ourselves. I have head trauma and anger issues but I still love because she is still the most amazing girl in the world especially to me. I love her with all her faults and problems. I love her for who she is all of it every bit of her no matter what is I still love her. She could every fault and problem in the world and I would still love her. She could have every disease known to mankind and I would still love because she is to be truthfully honest but she is the love of my life. Believe it or not, all this is a true fact I love her and hope that one day she will read this and understand just how much she means to me.