how to create a cult

It takes a loss to create something

19/12/10

Maverick: And her name was Clare, I don't know how it helps but her name is Clare.

This was the last time I talked to the cops about her, they didn't let me to further discuss it, she is already gone for two days now, the last words they gave me was over the phone

Cop (over the phone): Go talk to a psychologist, we are not here to comfort you or to keep you busy, this line is for emergencies that aren't registered to our system, your case is on the run and we will inform you for further news

I did that for another two days, it seemed like a year to me, I miss her, I can't accept that she has run away, we were married for nearly 15 years, we were together since our 20s, I can't live without her.

I have to

20/12/10

I did visited a psychologist, he was, not very helpful, he got the whole thing wrong, he things that she did run away, last time I saw her I was kissing her and telling her to have fun over a book meeting with her friends, then her friends said she left, but she didn't make it home, were did she go?

Away

We didn't had kids, she was afraid and too busy, but anything else in our life was normal, like any other couple in their 40s, we didn't argue a lot, I always helped her with her difficulties in maths and she always calmed me down after work, we loved movies, we watched one every two days, it was our thing, every time my friends came to see football her friends (most of them my friend's wifes) organized a book club to have fun and chat, she loved to read, sometimes if the book was good enough she suggested it to me too, I am not that much of a book reader but she liked it to share everything that was good with me, and I did the same, we talked about anything, we were in love even after all those years, I miss her.

25/12/10

I was not happy, I feel that I will never manage to feel happy again

I never was happy to begin with

The phone rang, a unknown number, a friend that called me to comfort me again? I thought I had everyones phones, maybe he changed the number recently or today, but no, it was a phone call from the police, that long waited damn phone call was the thing that made me hit rock bottom.

Cop (over phone): Mr. Maverick Mask there?

Maverick: yes, are there any news about her?

C: we found a body that seems to match with her characteristics, we want you to come here and identify that the corps is Catherine Mask

M: Her name is Clare.

I manage to hold my tears, not anymore, the phone call had ended, she didn't liked to be called Catherine, it was her grandma's name, she was a terrible woman, when she found out what kind of person she ended up being she wanted to change her name, her mother didn't let her, but we figured out that Clare suited her better, I miss her.

26/12/10

I wear my black suit, I go again to the police station, I don't talk, they get me through a room were there are several tables, only one of them are occupied, a white fabric is covering a corps, a womans corps that matches like my wifes, she is my wife, dark blue, black and dark green areas cover her once beautiful skin, small fungus, like white hair, had already started to grow on her once beautiful lips, the body seemed to have been struggled the doctor said to me, I looked at him, look at her again

M: she is my wife

I close my eyes as i hold back the stream of tears I feel, over filling my head, her eyes were closed, mine are too, who the fuck did this? Why?

Why?

I left the department and headed home, gone through all her stuffs, something that might linked me up to what happened, I need a person, I need revenge, I need ...

Her

I got to sleep, to relax, I don't like being angry, she always said that when she is not here and I want to calm myself I should try yoga, I do yoga now, new years eve, many people try to contact me, my phone is in another room, not sure where, haven't opened it for a while, I just sleep, eat and do yoga, I wanna kill whoever did that to her, I will.

I can't