Emotionally Compromised (#1) (Available On Amazon) [Preview]

Chapter 14 - Physical Delegations

ALEX TURNER

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I stumble into the sparring room. Grace was not something the federal government focused on in my training. But I have a lot on my mind.

Earlier I sat in the locker room for twenty minutes in a daze after receiving a text from Jeremy:

"I hope your meeting went well. I want to tell you I can't stop thinking about you, but I am worried it's too soon ;)"

Did I really receive a winky face from Jeremy Hunt? I blush just thinking about it. Oh man. And, no Jeremy, it is not too soon. I can't stop thinking about you either.

But I don't have the guts to send him a text back and it pains me to know why. All I want to do is run back to his apartment to see him.

I sigh, putting those thoughts aside, and realize I have to confront a lot of different feelings and perspectives about my current predicament.

Both meetings this morning went better than I could have hoped, in a way. The negative person inside me wants Alvarado to tell me to drop the relationship, work the case, and don’t get emotionally involved. Because it might save some people a whole lot of heartache. But oddly enough, instead he found it enlightening to the investigation. Why does that frustrate me? Isn’t that what you wanted all along Agent Turner? There is no pleasing you.

It’s just, praise aside from Captain Alvarado, will I always be such a toy? Haven’t I proven myself? The whole situation angers me for some odd reason. Am I a good agent or not? Or am I a pawn with great skill? Sometimes that is what can make a good agent…work this to your advantage Turner. Show ’em!

            I roll my eyes at my overly enthusiastic subconscious. I can’t help but be angry at so many different things. I am angry with myself for even getting into this situation. But at the same time I don’t regret this past weekend. It’s weird to be so happy with the situation yet be angry that I even got into it in the first place. I tried so hard to run and Jeremy just wouldn’t let me. The thought makes me smile. He makes me smile. I miss him. I should call him. I want to see him. I shake my thoughts and focus.

 I’m angry at Derek’s reaction too. His apologies soften my anger only slightly, though I know he means well.  I understand where he is coming from but he just isn’t playing fair. Our problems need to be sorted out as soon as possible.  He can’t be sputtering things he doesn’t understand. That man doesn’t know what love is. But hey, neither do I. Not that I think that is what this is about. It’s about mistakes and dealing with them…

I wander up to a vacant punching bag and begin my assault. This is the release I have been craving even before those meetings…maybe even since Jeremy wouldn’t take ’no’ for an answer Saturday afternoon.

I imagine every aching thought plaguing my mind as I plunge my fist into the firm punching bag. I welcome the feeling of relief that washes over as I continue my pummel. This is who I am. Not that fluffy lust filled young adult. This is the Agent Turner I know, but maybe there is more to the toughness? I am not sure yet. I am still trying to figure that part out..

What am I supposed to do? Just continue this relationship with Jeremy? I don’t want to have these doubts, I really don’t, but he is going to be so mad when these floodgates open and he realizes that I have been keeping so much from him, and now we want to use him in the case! But I warned him. I told him countless times to stop. I told him to be afraid of me. He never listens to a damn word I say –again, the thought makes me smile. Oh, Turner you got it bad.