p • r • e • s • s • u • r • e

pansies

"Tony? Tony-"

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Nope."

"Why not."

"Uh-'Cause I already let you in m'house and my therapist says I should establish pers'nal boundaries early in the relationship."

"You're slurring your speech a little right now and there's equipment in there that-"

"Bruce-" he held the phone far away from his face and bit back a groan. What the fuck was he going to do?

"Sir, I have detected internal hemhorraging." 

You was standing before him, scanning his torso. 

"Tony why is he saying that?"

"He's not saying anything-" Tony batted a hand at the bot. "shoo. shoo!" he hissed. 

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to let Doctor Banner in as per protocol Alpha-one-triple-six-"

"Don't you dare-"

He lunged for the manual controls and immediately collapsed, which wasn't a great thing to do when impaled. Tony screamed and he tried not to breathe as the blade tore him apart. He still couldn't quite believe what had just happened. All too quickly, Bruce's voice filled the room. 

"Tony! Tony? Where are you, dammit?"

There's a clatter.

"And why don't you clean up?"

His footfalls grew louder. 

Tap. Tap. Scuff.  

"No no no...Tony-shit."

He looked up from the floor and smirked, if only to prove he was still alive.

"'Kay...I'mma need you not t'freak.."

"Tony, Jesus, what happened?"

"M'okay, really. Well, no. Will be. Well..."

"What the actual fuck? No you're not, you just-! Why would-"

"I 'z frustrated. Couldn't think. Can' now, it's rather nice. By th'way, t'm'r there'll be a package at th' door. Just so y'know. T'snot a bomb, you don't hafta check-broke the TV'gain."

Bruce was shouting something, but Tony didn't get to hear the end of it. 

Well shit, he thought. This no fun at all.

—————

He woke in his bed,  which he hadn't done since she left. He wondered if the days since had been a dream. Everything was sort of orangey, and the blackout curtains were drawn but the thin, gauzy ones diffused the light. 

The sun was setting, and it was beautiful.

Tony yawned, and realised too late that was probably not a great idea.

The fuck?

He looked down at his stomach; it was wrapped in bandages.

Oh yeah...

Tony laughed. What else was there?

"Idiot," he muttered to himself. To his surprise, there was an answer.

"You're just now figuring this out."

"Banner, get out of my room."

"Not a chance."