intertwined (colby brock fanfiction)

chapter ninety-six

"nothing," i shrug, unable to say what's on my mind. despite my comfortability around him, i can't say these things. i can't say anything that i can't tell nick about tomorrow. i will have to go home eventually, and face the reality that this is not my life anymore. the passion i feel just by being in your room, colby, i can't act on it anymore.

"tell me the truth," he demands and i whip my head back to look at him with my eyes narrowed. "sorry, i meant... can you please tell me the truth?" he grins at me and i find myself unable to control my instincts any longer, as i reach over and gently hit his arm. this is not the time to be making jokes, you troubled man.

"yeah, i can!" i smile at him, equally as devilishly. "i'm thinking about the fact that you moved into this house because you looooove me," i grin and he rolls his eyes playfully.

"oh please, love is an understatement." his honesty catches me off guard and i let a gasp slip out of my mouth in surprise. did he really just say that? "oh yeah?" i ask, wanting to hear more about this topic. i know i shouldn't hear it, but i want to. i want to hear that he still thinks of me like i do of him. i want to hear that he cares for me in the same ways that i care for him. i want to know that this resentful love is reciprocated.

"yeah, of course. look at me, i'm a mess!" he gestures at himself and the room around us. i giggle slightly, and he connects our eyes. for a moment in time, the only thing in this world are his eyes. the only thing i can feel is the magnetic pull between the two of us, but i still have to resist this natural urge that i feel. nick will be waiting for me at my apartment, he even has a key and everything. i can't be doing this right now, but the last thing i wanna do is leave.

"sorry..." he sighs and i shoot him a look full of confusion. "what?" i ask, not quite positive what he's apologizing for. "well, i'm sorry that i am clearly making you fall in love all over again," he shrugs nonchalantly, but i can't ignore the way he fights a smile that so angrily tugs at his lips. i laugh loudly, and lean over to hit him again. before i get the chance, he grabs my wrist and holds me in place. my eyes are wide, and my stomach is erupting with butterflies. this can't be real, it really can't. it defies all logic and reasoning. i am not living inside of the notebook, this isn't a fairytale. he walked out on me four years ago, but all i can focus on is the way his skin burns my wrist like a grill. he isn't even holding me with a harsh grasp, but i am still swimming in a pool of colby from the contact. my favorite pool, or puddle rather.

"andromeda," he whispers, letting go of my hand and staring at me with intent. i give him a look, telling him to continue his thought with my eyes.

"i'm sorry for the way i treated you," he admits and i have to fight the frown that is threatening to form on my face. "it was wrong, and you were right to leave. you deserved so much more than that, and i lost the one person i think i've ever loved with real honesty and such passion. i deserved to have had my heart broken like that, because it knocked some sense into me."

i look at him with concentration, listening to every word he says with forgiveness in my heart.

"and if you're wondering why i did what i did, i was scared. i didn't know how to handle the fact that i was losing you, and i felt so damn helpless. josephine, if you remember her-"

"of course i do." i hope he doesn't think i'd ever forget a single detail of our love affair.

"well, she broke me. she cheated on me, and with one of her best friends at the time. i guess i just thought you'd do the same thing to me, so i felt the need to find control in every part of our relationship. i thought that if i sheltered you, i'd be able to keep you for myself. but you have proven so many times that you're done being sheltered, and i am so proud of you for that. if i was anyone else, i'd praise you for the way you let me go. you left me, and you made your pain into a best-selling book. you did the most amazing thing you could've done in that situation, and i am so fucking proud of you andromeda."

"colby-"

"no, let me talk..." my heart is full at the fact that he is praising me for what i did, and holds no anger towards me for it. he is finally saying everything i wanted to hear from him that dreadful night four years ago. he is finally spilling his raw honesty upon me, and i am basking in it like it is a mud bath.

"when josephine left me, i thought i'd never love again. then i found you, and from the moment i laid my eyes on you, i couldn't hold myself back. i couldn't say no to my heart, but i knew i had to stay cold and cruel to hopefully ward you off. that's why i was so rude to you in the beginning. i was hoping you'd walk away, so i wouldn't have to admit that i couldn't do it myself. but you didn't walk away, and i fell in love with that. you stuck by me through every fucked up thing i said and did, and i loved you for it. because i knew that meant you loved me regardless of my screw-up, and nobody's ever really done that before. not even josephine. i thought that i had found the one, that you were all i ever needed. and if i'm being honest, i still believe it. i still hold on to the concept of forever, because i can't accept that it's over. that's why i'm here, in this house—i'm a fool for you, andromeda. i am a sucker for everything that you do and say, and i have missed you so much. but i accept that you're happy now, and i don't expect anything in return for my honesty right now. i only want you to know the truth. i never wanted to hurt you either, i just didn't know how else to go about handling my feelings for you. i was overwhelmed and stupid at the time, but i promise you i grew from that. i love you, so i am happy that you are happy even if-"

"what if i'm not so happy?" i ask, unsure of what i want the answer to be. i can't cheat on nick, i can't do that. but this is colby we're talking about, and i don't know why i expected to be able to fight this feeling for longer than three minutes. "then i hope you find it, that joyful feeling that i used to give you. if not from me, then from anyone else in this world. i just want you to feel fulfilled and happy, because your peace of mind matters way more to me than my own-"

i know i shouldn't have come here, but the moment my lips find his, i don't regret a single thing. this is real, this is love and passion. this is so wrong, but i can't bring myself to stop. this is care, this is happiness, and this is contention. everything i've ever wanted—and felt like i was missing out on these last few years—i have found in this kiss, in this moment.

i feel his arms wrap around me, and i know we are on the same page. this isn't okay, and i will hate myself for it tomorrow—but i don't want to care anymore. i want to blindly follow this feeling in my chest, and the one deep down in my stomach when he says that he loves me.