Falter

Chapter 38 - love me, love me not

I spent the drive looking out the window, while he reached for my thighs and squeezed it. I feel calmness under his touch but at the same time guilty because I'm already used to it. My brain says yes but my body's already accustomed to it. And it will be the hardest part to deal with.

Once we're at their house, I was quick enough to open my door and ran to the door, up the stairs and locked myself in the bathroom. I really have a hard time keeping this a normal thing, normal like Hunter wouldn't even suspect.

A faint knock on the door startled my thoughts.

"Eliza, are you okay?"

I took a deep breath, almost obsessed at looking at the dried-up blood on my panties.

"I'm fine, I'll be out in a bit." I stripped down everything and decided to take a shower. Once I adjusted it to the temperature I wanted, I sat down, my back hitting the tiled wall, letting the hurt cascade down my body, letting my tears mix with water, hoping it would also go down the drain.

--

After I scrubbed my body until my skin burned, I put on my PJs and grabbed a tank top, still part of acting normal around Hunter. I was thankful Evee wasn't here to ask so many questions or to make me change my mind. He's casually texting on his phone when I got out of the bathroom.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, not looking up from his phone.

I hummed my reply and lay down on my side of the bed. Which won't be on my side anymore come tomorrow morning. My hormones are a traitor and I feel extra emotional. I don't want to hurt him but she looked so hopeful, and I'm not someone who wants to take that hope away.

His hand snaked its way from my ass to my stomach, his feather kisses from my shoulder to my neck. He bit on my earlobe and my body almost caved in.

"I'm on my period..." I whispered, still tucking myself on the side of the bed, clutching the duvet up my body, using it as a shield from something I don't even know.

"Oh..." he said, his lips still above my ears. "I'm sorry. Do you need anything?"

I shake my head. "Just cuddle with me..." for one last time, I almost said. I reached for his arm and entwined it with mine. Maybe for the last time, I'll let my skin memorize how it would feel to touch him while he's still mine. Let his body linger with mine. Let that feeling take over me, even if it would break me in the end.

At midnight, I feel his heavy breaths against my shoulder knowing he's still deep in sleep. I looked at him, the tears flowing and caressed his face for one last time. I grabbed my suitcase and immediately booked for a cab; thankful someone will be here in 10 minutes. I picked up every single piece of clothing I own scattered in his room, I almost grabbed his unwashed white jacket and brought it with me but I stopped myself. I need to start fresh on my own, even leaving all the things he bought me. It will just remind me of this bitter end. And he would hate me, for sure, he would. I would prefer anger over him knowing the truth. The truth will make him run back to me and I can't do that. I can't be that selfish.

I zip my suitcase and check my phone, the driver will be here in 5 minutes. I put on my jacket over my sleep clothes, not risking making any sounds by changing it, and grabbed my suitcase, lifting it. I tiptoed towards the door and I felt him hum in his sleep, thinking he would be awake but he went back to sleep. I hold my breath opening the door, looking in the hallway and peaking downstairs. No one is here. I lifted my suitcase and slowly closed the door. I made my way downstairs and finally I'm outside without interruption.

The cab was there when I sneaked out from their gate, thankfully unharmed. But then I heard a bark from behind me, it's Detroit.

"Shhhhh, buddy, keep quiet!" I whispered to him. He wagged his tail, thinking I'm playing with him. The app just gave me a notification that my driver is already outside and my tears start falling again.