Nodding in agreement, she whimpered. "Lately I've been afraid of myself," Zara admitted. She looked at her hands, out in front of her, and shook her head. "Angel has blood on him, literally, but it's on me too, isn't it? I let it happen, I cover for him with people, I would lie to cops for him. This isn't me. This isn't who I am. I'm not a bad person."
Emily looked at Zara, knowing all too well the battle raging internally. "Do you think Angel is a bad person?"
Her lips formed the word no but she didn't speak it, realizing despite her feelings for him, Angel was a bad man.
"You need to look that truth in the eye before you can work through this," Emily said with compassion. "I've been where you are and I made my decisions. I can't make them for you but I can get you where you need to be to make yours."
—
Angel was given a one hour reprieve from duty but once the twins woke up it was full throttle. Reina was first to open her eyes, a smile on her face when she saw Angel but Teddy didn't wake up quite as happy. He was like his father, no matter how long he'd been sleeping he was never happy to wake up.
"Alright," Angel huffed, scooping Teddy up and holding him close. "Chill out, kid. You don't have to freak out. It's just me."
With the twins on his hips, Angel carefully balanced his way down the steps and sat them in their play yard. He stood over the gate and looked at them, sitting side by side playing but not together, and shrugged.
"Cool," he turned and went to make himself some coffee. Moving about the kitchen he saw, even in her anger, that Zara left a few tips and pertinent information on the fridge. He read it carefully while the coffee brewed but, before the pot even finished, Reina was wailing from the other room. He burst out of the kitchen to see she was fine, a little red mark on her face the only evidence that something had happened.
"You're good," he said softly, giving her a big smile. "You're fine. It's okay." Angel tried again to get her to smile, wiping a fat tear from her eye, but only Teddy managed to help by inadvertently turning on one of the singing toys beside her.
With the note and mug in hand, Angel sat on the edge of the coffee table feeling trapped and uneasy. He didn't know what to do or what he could do. He was afraid to leave them for too long but wasn't sure what to do with them. So he sat and watched them play but after a few minutes he was bored and his mind wandered to Zara.
He wrestled with texting her but eventually did while doubting she'd reply.
"The kids are good. I hope you're okay. We gotta talk about this."
He was still angry, firm in his belief that she was wrong about everything, but he knew approaching her that way would only push her further. When she didn't immediately reply he grew uneasy so he sent out texts to Coco and Gilly, both of them replied supportively but when he asked if they'd come by they declined.
"Guys, what does Mom do with you all day?" Angel asked, tossing his phone on the couch behind him.
Teddy looked at his dad and began to cry having been reminded that his mother was not there. A flash of panic hit him, his chest suddenly hot, forcing Angel to call his dad.
"Angel?" Felipe answered, sounding somewhat concerned. "What's wrong, son?"
"My kid hates me," he said, chuckling to hide the emotion in his voice. "Z's gone and I'm alone with the kids, Pop. I don't know what to do. I'm just sitting here staring at them and Teddy won't stop crying."
Felipe sighed, feeling deeply for his son, but he knew more than Angel realized and agreed this was necessary.
"Have you tried picking him up? Comforting him?"
"I think he wants Z," Angel admitted, putting his father on speaker, "But I'll try."
Walking to the gate, Angel extended his arms out only to be met with increasingly desperate wails from Teddy.
"You know, Riz was so chill, kid," Angel complained, picking his son up. "Shhh, I know you miss mom, mano. She's pissed, that's on me, so go ahead, make me fucking pay."
"Maybe less swearing," Felipe laughed, "But you got the idea."
"Pop, this ain't me, I can't do this," Angel said over Teddy's waning cries. "I'm not a good dad."
"You haven't even tried," Felipe reminded him. "You're barely trying now but listen to your son, Angel, he's already calming down."
"I don't think I ever missed Mom as much as I do now," he said sadly.
Felipe laughed. "Your mother would kick your ass from here to the border if she saw you now but she'd love those two," he said wistfully.
"I know," Angel sniffled.
"Whatever this is with you and Zara," Felipe said sagely, "Do not let it go too far that you can't bring it back."
His eyes darted to the kitchen and Angel, with Teddy still in his arms, went through the door. When he saw the damage from the night before, the hole in the wall and dented drywall, he felt his heart sink. Disgusted, he took Teddy back into the living room.
"I was out of control, Pop," Angel admitted, "But the shit she did."
"I don't know what she did but I know Zara," he said. "She strikes me as a person who would do what she had to, anything she felt she had to, for those kids."
Angel clicked his tongue. "Even go behind their father's back?"
"Maybe," Felipe grumbled, unable to comment without knowledge of exactly what happened. "After those babies, I'm willing to bet you're next on her list though, son."
"You ever doubt Mom? Sharing with all those secrets?"
"Never." Felipe could imagine the heartbreak Angel was feeling. "I wanted to, I wanted to blame her for my mistakes but I knew deep down they were my own," he explained.
"Alright, Pop," Angel sniffled. "I gotta go."
"You okay?" Felipe asked quickly. "I didn't mean to make it any harder, I'm just being honest.
"Nah, I know," Angel groaned, a wet spot growling on his shirt. "Teddy pissed through his goddamn diaper. I forgot to change it."
"Better than shit," Felipe laughed as he ended the call.
"Thanks," Angel said with a huff. "Mama's boy gotta piss on your Pops, huh? Hate me that much?" Teddy laughed in response. "You just hate wet diapers, I know. It's my fault this time, hombrecito."
Chapter 6
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