With vs Without You

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Depressed, again,
Because my head spins.

On a date, happy, 
Holding hands.
Perfection.

Alone, thinking,
It’s all wrong.
Termination.

My fingers itch,
My head aches,
My stomach curls,
My thumbs twitch,
For the phone
To text,
To tell you,
It’s over.

No.
I won’t.

But it hurts
To think
What’s good
Is wrong,
That I can’t have it,
That you don’t want it.

To avoid hurting you
Hurts me.
But that’s the way I want it.
I want you.

I want you.
I. Want. You.
I WANT YOU.

What don’t I understand?

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