Life saver (connor franta fanfic)

~23~ someone to keep

Sarah's Pov 

I don't know how I got here but I was currently sitting in the bathtub. Water dripping on me from the shower and my razor blade on my wrist. I felt the urge to cut but I told myself not to do it for Connor. But I couldn't the urge was to big. I wanted the relieve.
After a few cuts I sat there watching the water drops fall. The feeling of them running down my body. It was cold but not to be considered too cold. I was so focused on the water that I didn't even hear that someone was shouting my name. I heard a door opening. Then it was quiet for a while.
It was definitely a man's voice but I couldn't focus enough over all my crying.
Suddenly the door flew open. I looked at the person standing in the door. It was Connor. Of course it was Connor. It's not like it could've been someone else. The only other man that comes in this house is my father and he's never here. And it's not like he cares about me or my mom.

"Sarah...What happened?" Connor said with his voice full of concern.
After a lot of silence and Connor asking questions, me barely answering and him helping me clean up we were standing in the middle of the bathroom.
I said why I was upset and Connor tried to comfort me. He's so nice to me and what did I do? I was upset for something stupid. I let my emotions getting the better hand and Connor needed to clean up the mess I was. What did I do to have someone like him?!
"I don't deserve you" I said serious with tears in my eyes.
"I don't get it. Why not? You're such a lovely girl and you're amazing! You deserve everything! You deserve more love then you get now!"
He's so wrong but still it means so much to me that he said this. He can make everything better.
"See I don't deserve someone like you. You're so good to me and I'm just a mess and only a burden for you."
"No Sarah you're not. I love you okay?"
After hearing that I stood there in shock. Eyes wide in disbelieve of what he just said. He loves me? Does he mean this or does he mean just like friends?  It felt like minutes before he spoke up again.
"You're an amazing friend Sarah and I'm so happy that I met you"
Okay that answers my question. Just like friends. But why do I feel sad about it? I must be happy that he's happy to be my friend but why am I not happy?
He took me in a thight hug. I'm happy he did. He couldn't see my disappointed face like this.
"Never do that again please. It broke my heart to see you like this" he whispered.
A shiver went trough my body by hearing his voice so close. My grip on him tightened
I want to have him this close forever.
"Let's get you some clean clothes okay?" he suddenly spoke up.
"Okay." I answered quiet, sad to back out of the hug.

I took some clothes out of my closet and pulled them on quickly. 
I said to Connor that he could come in then. We talked a little about friendship and our picture.
It was still a bit of an emotional talk but it felt good. Him comforting me and rubbing my thigh. It felt so natural and still so unbelievable.
Connor was staring into my eyes and an idea suddenly popped into my head. He could stay the night here. I want him to be close. I feel so much better and more relaxed when he was with me.
When I asked it he said he wanted to so I just needed to inform my mom.

I walked downstairs and found my mom in the living room watching some cooking show. I don't know why she watched cooking shows because she doesn't even like to cook.
"Mom?"
"Oh hi sweety is everything okay?"
"Yes it is now thanks mom but can Connor stay the night?"
"Of course he can! He's a really good kid don't let him go."
"Yeah I know and I hope he doesn't get annoyed with me and I really don't get why he still deals with me because I definitely wouldn't."
"It's because he cares about you sweety. When he stood here a few hours ago it was very clear that he really cares about you. I never saw someone so concerned as he was about you. I think you mean a lot to him."
I didn't know what to say to that..
"I just hope that I don't hurt him mom. I'm a mess and sometimes I can't control myself and things like today happen. I don't want him to get involved into that."
"Sarah it's not your choice. If he wants to then let him. He will help you through your hard times. I'm sure of that!"
"Yeah... Thanks mom I'm going to go back to him."
"Okay, but Sarah know that I'm always here for you and you can say everything to me. I was so scared when Connor suddenly stood here. Never do that again please. Just come to me."
"I know mom. It's funny because Connor said exactly the same. "
" Come on and go to Connor he's probably wondering what took you so long"
"Okay mom" I smiled and gave her a quick peck on her cheek.

So I went back upstairs and pushed the door open.
"My mom said it's okay that..."
Wait what is he doing?! He's looking at my laptop. Oh no my song was still on it.
"What are you doing?!"
"Is..is this a song text?" No it's a fucking school project that tells my life story.
"Uuuh maybe"
"It's perfect" He said.  How can a song about my horrible life be perfect? It's basically just about me feeling horrible and that I met someone who made it better. Oh fuck. No. 
I described my feelings in it...all of them. 
"No it's not. Did you read the hole thing?"
"No" Whew, this gave me at least a little bit of hope that he doesn't know that it's about him.
"Good" I answered him maybe a little to blunt.
I closed the text and asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. He said yes so that's what we did. Or at least were supposed to do.
Instead we were snuggled up in my bed and the only thing I could think about was Connor.
My thoughts were not really with the movie but sometimes if I saw something cute I smiled. But if you asked me what the films was about then I definitely couldn't answer that.
I suddenly felt the urge to see if Connor was actually watching the movie because I think it was definitely not Connor's type of movie. I turned my head to see that he was staring at me. I looked into his beautiful green eyes. I needed to look away because I could stare in his eyes forever and I don't think that's what he wants. So I just laid my head down on his shoulder. I don't know why I did that because he probably is going to think it's really weird. But I can't take it of now either because that would be even weirder. My eyes started to feel heavy and before I knew it I closed them and fell asleep.


I woke up to the sound of my alarm going of. I tried to turn it of but I had to lean over Connor and in my process he started to turn and that caused my arm to give out under me so with he result that I fell on Connor. 
He opened his eyes then looking at me. I blushed not only because I just fell on top of him but also because our faces where so close to each other. He smiled at me.
"I'm sorry I didn't meant to wake you up" I said, my blush darkening.
"It's okay" He laughed. "It's not that I'm going to stay at your house when your at school."
"Yeah school"
"I will bring you if you want" he suggested.
"I would say yes but remember the last time you did that"
His smile replaced in one of guilt. That's not what I wanted. I didn't want that he felt bad about it.
"I know but it will not end like that"
"Okay"
"So may I bring you?" He suddenly said at a really cheerful tone.
"Sure" I smiled.
He took me in a hug then. Why is he so happy about the fact that he can bring me to school? I don't see the fun in that.
"Can I come pick you up too?"
"Don't you have other stuff to do?"
"Uh not really only editing the video of me and Tyler for today but I have time enough for that!"
"Okay you can pick me up! And maybe after school you can..." I started.
"Can I what?" he asked interested.
"Can you help me with starting a youtube channel"
"Yeah of course!" He cheered.
Why is he so happy today? It's morning so you're not supposed to be this happy.
"Come on let's get some breakfast"

We walked out of my room downstairs and I saw that my mom had breakfast for us. Okay so this is new. She actually went out to get some croissants and buns. She never does that. 
"Did you guys sleep well?" she asked.
"Yeah I slept really good actually" I answered truthfully. I really slept good, a lot better as normally.
"And you Connor?"
"I slept like a rose" He said whilst giving the biggest smile possible.
Oh god why is he so cute when he does that?!
"That's good! I got you guys some breakfast."
"Thanks mom"
We ate our breakfast and surprisingly enough my mom started to ask Connor questions and it was far from embarrassing. She asked him about YouTube and why he did it and stuff like that.
"I'm going to get ready for school. Connor you can stay here with my mom if you want or watch some tv"
"Yeah okay"

I really didn't want to go to school but thinking about going to Connor after it made it a lot better. I washed myself really quick and pulled on some clothes, did my hear and make up and went downstairs again. Connor was still talking to my mom but they moved to sit in the couches rather than at the table. I just hope my mom didn't tell him embarrassing stories about my childhood or about me in general.

"Connor are you ready to leave?"
"Yeah" He immediately stood up.
"It was a good talk Mrs. Cowell"
"Yes it was Connor I hope I see you soon"
"Of course" He smiled. It was weird to see them talking together but it made me happy.
"Uh mom is it okay that I go to Connor's house after school?"
"Sure sweety just see that you're not home too late."
"Okay"

With that we left the house and drove to school.
"So Connor what did you and my mom speak about?"
"That's secret" He smirked.
I gave him an annoyed sigh. Why can't he just tell me? Now I'm really worried that she told him embarrassing stories about me.
"Oh okay then"
"So exited for your youtube channel?"
"Actually yes! I really want to start making videos and maybe do more singing videos if people find it good"
"I'm sure they are going to love it!"
"Thanks Connor" 
We talked a little more about what I wanted to do with my youtube channel and how I wanted my banner to look like and stuff like that.
Before we knew it we were already at school. I felt bad about leaving him but I knew I saw him right after school so I just need to survive those hours now. At least I have something to look out for.

Connor stepped out of the car with me and gave me a hug.
"I see you in a few hours then" He smiled.
I just answered him with a smile.
He said bye and before he backed fully out of the hug he gave me a little peck on my head.
I felt my cheeks heating up and my smile growing bigger. Oh god what does he do to me?!
"Bye" I said.

I walked inside the school and I already bumped into someone that I didn't want to see.
Thomas.
"So you replaced Simon with Connor huh? You're just a slut"
I don't know who he thinks that he his but I haven't heard from Simon in a while and that's not my fault.
"Just leave me alone Thomas" He didn't listen though. He pushed me against the wall.
"First you steal our friend and then you just leave him. That's sad"
"I didn't fucking leave him!" I screamed
"She's right" A voice suddenly said. I looked at him and it was Simon.
Thomas let me go then. I started to walk away but someone grabbed my arm.
"Sarah I'm sorry for ignoring you" Simon said.
"Don't bother about it I'm used to it"
"No Sarah it was wrong. I just couldn't see you being happy"
"What the fuck does that mean?!"
So he actually just wants me to be sad or what does he mean?
"NO! I mean yes but only with Connor. He makes you so happy and I couldn't stand it. I was jealous that I wasn't the one who made you happy."
"But Simon you made me happy too"
I get it why he said it know.
"Maybe but not as much as he does"
"And what does that matter? I need you Simon, I need your friendship"
He smiled at me. I took him into a hug.
"Thanks Sarah"

The school day went actually really fast. It was good to know that me and Simon were friends again.  The school bell rang and I went outside to look for Connor. He said that he parked his car at the left side of the school so I went there. I saw his car so I walked to it and opened the door. Connor jumped slightly. I probably scared him by opening the door.
"Hi Connor do you have a bad conscience?"
"No you just scared me, you could've been a murderer you know."
"Yeah I totally look like a murderer" I laughed.
"That's not what I meant"
"Are you planning on leaving the school?" I asked after a few minutes.
"Oh no I thought you liked it here so I planned on staying here" He laughed.
"Very funny Franta"
The ride to his house was just us talking about random stuff and fangirling over cats. Oh god we are so obsessed with them!

At his house we immediately went to the computer and started to make my channel. Connor helped me really hard with it. We designed a banner with Connor's technology knowledge and my creativity.
I was happy about it. Now I only need to put a video on it. 
"So should I put my singing video on it or first another video to let them know who I am?" I asked Connor.
"I have an idea!" He suddenly said enthusiastic.
"What?" I asked really curious.
"I'm going to tweet that they need to ask you questions that you need to answer!"
"That's a good idea! I will tweet it too but I have not that many followers so yeah it's good that you tweet it too."

@SarahCowell: I'm going to film my first ever youtube video and I need your help! Send me random questions with the #askSarahCowell

Connor tweeted something like that as well. Not even a minute later I already got notifications with questions. I also got a text from my internet friend Emily.

Emily; I saw that you're making a youtube video!!! why didn't you tell me?! xx
Me: I totally forgot! Sorry :/ xx
Emily: Haha that's nothing but only if my question will be in the video!xx
Me: Okay send me something and I will put it in no matter what xx

Maybe it wasn't a really good idea to let her choose whatever question she wanted but oh well too late to back out of it. 
"Uh Connor I don't have my camera with me"
"You can use mine" He smiled.
"Okay let's start then."
We set everything up. The camera, the lights and I sat down on the chair.

"So do I just start with saying my name and stuff?"
"Yes" he laughed. "It's not that difficult just say who you are and say that you're going to answer questions from twitter and start with the questions. Everything that goes wrong can you cut out of it later. So you can just search your questions whilst filming because your answers are better when you respond to it if you read them for the first time"
"Oh okay I will try but don't laugh with me" 
"Okay" He laughed loudly.
"What did I just say?! No laughing!" I laughed.

"Heeeeloo!" Oh god no not like that.
"What's up guys" Nope.
"Well hello everone" no.
"Omg why is starting a video so difficult?!" I heard Connor trying to keep in his laughter but it didn't work. He bursted out laughing really loud. It was adorable actually.
"I'm so..ory" He laughed.
"Better give me advice on how to start my video" He eventually stopped laughing.
"Just say Hello everyone my name is Sarah. After a while you will see that you have you're own thing and that you do it automatically. The first time is always weird."
"Okay I'm going to try again."

"Hello everyone my name is Sarah and welcome on my channel! So because this is the first video I wanted to introduce myself. I'm not just going to talk about myself, me and Connor asked you guys on twitter to send me questions so that's what you did and I'm going to answer them! And I'm actually quite scared because I know you guys are going to ask me some weird questions!" I laughed a little and Connor did too.
Okay so now I just need to answer some questions.
"First question from Trxyler_otp is how did you met Connor? Uhm yeah it's a little complicated and I can't really say the exact thing but let me tell you that I was really lucky. It was because of tumblr. I had send him a text and yeah he responded and so we came in contact." 
I looked at Connor, he was smiling at me. We looked into each other eyes for a moment and then I turned back to the video.
"So next question is from frantastic_condabon first I love your name! Okay so he or she asks: would you rather have a finger as nose or noses as fingers? Oh well I think that a finger as nose would look really weird because it's so long but I don't think I can live with noses as fingers because you can't hold a thing. So I would rather have a finger as nose."
I did a lot of other questions. Most of them were about Connor so I tried to pick some other ones. I think I didn't even get 10 normal questions. Every question that they asked was so weird but I didn't complain. I really liked it.
"Okay so guys this were all the questions. I have one more from someone special. No it's not Connor, I know you guys are obsessed with him but it's from my internet friend Emily. I don't know what she asked me but let's find out!" 
I took my phone and read the question. Oh really, is she serious?!
"So she asked me this: reenact this fanfiction (link) with Connor Franta"
I looked at Connor then to see if he was okay with it. He just smiled and stood up to stand beside me.
"Okay so what's the fanfic about?" He asked. I clicked on the link. It was a short fanfiction. It was only 3 pages so it couldn't be that bad.
"It's about us. I didn't even know there existed fanfics about us. They don't even know me" I laughed.
"Okay let's do this!" He said.
So we read the fanfiction and well it wasn't what I expected it to be. We were friends in it but we had feelings for each other and then Connor finally makes a move on me. So it was about love. But not really the cute kind of love. Well in the beginning it was cute but to the end it wasn't.
So we started to reenact the fanfic. 
" Hey Sarah I saw this painter in the park do you want to go look at him?"
"Yeah sure!"
We walked outside and were walking in the park. Then all of the sudden Connor grabbed my hand. 
It was the reenaction from the fic but still I couldn't control my cheeks that were heating up.
"Here it is"
"Wow his painting is so pretty! Can we get a painting of us?"
"If you want so"
We walked to the imaginary painter and asked to paint us. He said yes and commanded us to go stand by the little bridge over the water. He said that  Connor needed to grab my hand and that we needed to look in each others eyes. So we did that. It was only for this stupid fanfiction but I couldn't control my feelings. Why wasn't this real?!
The next part in the fanfiction was that Connor kissed me but I had no idea what we planned on doing actually.
Connor started to lean in for the kiss but stopped a little before our lips touched. My heart was beating super fast.
"Sarah I can't do this" He said.
"I know it doesn't matter we at least tried to reenact it. And it's not like we could've done the next part."
I actually was really upset. Why couldn't he just kiss me? It was just for a fanfiction video thing right? I was sad about it but at the same time relieved because I would probably mess up the kiss or things would be awkward between us so it was better like this I think. 

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A/N:

So this was the longest chapter that I've ever written! It's 4 times longer then my first chapter! It feels like I have been writing so long at this. So yeah I don't have anything else to say so byee xx