I Could Fall

Chapter Forty-Seven

"I'm sorry," I said in a tiny voice. "I-I didn't realize that I was gone for too long. I'm sorry, Ali."

Ali breathed in harshly. His jaw was ticking. He looked like he wanted to say more but he just averted his gaze from me and turned to Kuya Norman.

"Babalik na kami sa resort. Please inform the other yacht," seryosong sabi nito.

"Sige po, Sir," maagap na sagot ni Kuya Norman at agad na kumilos.

Naglakad si Ali patungo sa ibang parte ng yate. Nanatili naman ako sa kinauupuan. The cold wind was seeping through my skin but I didn't pay attention to it. Pakiramdam ko ay may sala ako kaya hindi ako pwedeng umalis sa pwesto ko.

A towel placed over my shoulder. Umangat ang tingin ko at nakitang si Ali ang naglagay no'n sa akin. His expression was still grim and his tensed jaw further proves that he's still mad. May nakasabit na isang puting towel sa balikat niya. Hindi siya nakatingin sa akin.

Umuwang ang mga labi ko nang walang pasabing lumuhod siya sa harap ko. He reached for my foot and despite the hardness of his expression, his hold was gentle. He was removing my fins for me.

Binalot ng init ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko matukoy kung nasasaktan ako o natutuwa. It hurts... in a good way. Is that possible?

I wanted to ask him how he knew that I've been under the water for too long? Kanina pa siya nandito?

Why is he here? Did my family invite him? Or is he here as a guest? May kasama ba siya? Is he with his family?

How is he? Is he okay?

My chest stung when his words from earlier played in my head again. He thought I drowned. I can only imagine how scared he must be. It must have reminded him of... Mas lalong kumirot ang puso ko.

Kaya siguro galit na galit siya ngayon. It was probably traumatic to see me at the seafloor, with eyes closed and unmoving. Kung siya ang nakita kong ganoon ay baka humagulgol na ako and seeing him okay won't be enought to calm me down. I feel like one simple apology won't be enough.

"I'm really sorry," I meekly repeated again.

His hand stopped moving for a second. Gumalaw din ito agad at ibinaba ang paa ko sa sahig. Umangat na ang tingin niya sa akin. His eyes were still unforgiving.

"Do you understand how terrifying it was to see you down there?" his tone was clipped. I can hear his anger pouring from every syllable.

My eyes blurred. My chest was painfully constricting again. I guiltily nodded as I held his angry gaze. "I'm sorry."

"What else are you sorry for?" he austerely asked. Bumaba ang tingin ko. Habang tumatagal ay parang nanliliit ako. He touched my chin to catch my eyes. My breath got caught.

His stormy eyes turned liquid. Sadness mixed with anger. It's like seeing the dark sky pouring. "Does it still hurt to see me?"

I flinched, reminded of the words that I said to him when we broke up. Iniwas ko ang mukha ko sa kanya at pumikit bago pumatak ang nagbabadyang luha sa mga mata ko.

Hindi na siya nagsalita. Hindi niya na ulit ako sinubukang hawakan. His presence grew distant and the warmth fainted. Iminulat ko na ang mga mata ko pero hindi ko siya tinapunan ng tingin.

I couldn't look at him without feeling guilty for hurting him. I left him when he needed me the most — when we needed each other the most. I left him when I should have stayed.

I blamed myself for Atticus' death and Tita Agatha's words helped me nourished it. It sealed my belief that I'm the one who caused it and it scared me that it will happen to Ali, too. That something will happen to Ali and it will be because of me.