Dear me,
I know you feel like everything is falling apart. I know you're scared. I know you're sad. But that's ok.
You've been through so much in these past 9 months. You've been through so much in the last 8 years. Even with all of that, you're still standing. You're still pushing. You're still alive, even if it feels like you're numb sometimes. Your heart is still beating, your lungs are still taking in air, and you're still here. Some people don't make it past half of what you've been through... you're stronger than you think. So much stronger than you think.
You have a beautiful soul, heart, and mind. You care so much, and that's part of why you get hurt, but if you didn't care, you wouldn't be you.
You've lost so much, but you've gained so much more. Yes, your mother is not there for you right now, and home isn't home anymore, but you have so many other people there for you. Grandma Brenda, Papa Joel, Robert, Uncle Mike, Ninnie, Ethan. They all love you. They all are there for you. They're not going to stop loving you any time soon. You're their Ash.
You need to stop being so hard on yourself and take a moment to breathe. I know it's hard. But you can do it. Get back to writing. Get back to music. Sketch something. Sing some songs. Dance around your room. Be happy. Don't let the world knock you down so easily. And when it does, don't let it hold you down.
I love you. Even when you can't do what you're trying to do. Even when you mess up. Even when you push yourself past the point of exhaustion. Even when you can't see the good in you. You are the best thing to have happened to yourself. You keep beating every expectation. You keep proving that you can do anything you set your mind to. I'm proud of you. So proud of you. You've grown so much, and even though you still have some growing to do, you are becoming an amazing person.
Keep your chin up. It will all work out somehow. You'll see. Everything will get better in time as long as you keep working for it to.
I love you.
Sincerely,
You
