I SHOULDN'T WANT YOU
how could i crave your attention and your affection when you're never even around? when i'm not the only person- wait- i'm not even a person in your mind. i don't want to care for you, yet i do. i become excited when you're around. pathetic, absolutely dreadful.
i've become so caught up in the idea of not being alone that i'm sure i've lost my true self at some point. i've turned to this fictional idea of finding love, being with someone, and living "happily ever after" when in reality it's all about sex and getting high.
with you, though, i feel a sense of normalcy. i enjoy your presence. i don't feel as though i need to hide so much. and yet, here i am, writing this to say goodbye. letting you go. i've learned here recently that it's better to not chase after someone. when they don't show the same interest or amount of effort, let it go. if they want you, they'll come back. they'll prove it.
i suppose we'll wait and see, hm? for now, i'll let that idea in my head leave. i'll move on easily since i refused to become too attached, and then i'll continue down this path of pathetic images in my mind that give me false senses of hope.
because in the end, i know i shouldn't want you. but for some reason, i just do.