Talking Memories

Note: This is going to be a seamless read, there isn't the need for chapters.

People do say one remembers all that he had done when dying. A process whereby the brains plays a flashbacks of all that had happened to a person. Well I couldn’t agree less to that theory as I lay down bleeding from a bullet wound to the chest. I could feel life flowing out of me like the way a tap dripples water down into a bucket. Tears of pain and anger and regrets flowed down my eyes soiling the dirt that had already been filled with my blood.
I couldn’t stop the memories from flashing right through my eyes as life fades out of me. The only thought that kept coming to my mind was “had I known”.  I tried suppressing the images flashing through my head but I had no control over what my brains dictates now and I just let myself fades into the images as it flows by.
I could remember vividly the day it all started, the day my journey towards destruction kicked into motion. My mom's aunt came to stay with us, she had just finished her NYSC and my irresponsible mother suggested she stays with us until she finds a job. She who could hardly feeds the little mouth she has with her. My aunt “i think I can call her that “, aunty chioma is a very beautiful lady, her curves were appropriate and the way she speaks can make a full grown man weak at the knees talkless of me, a fourteen year old boy that had just come into the age of maturity and puberty but already is blessed, well I wouldn’t call it a blessing, it is more of a curse. I can’t imagine a fourteen year old boy with a seven inch dick. Aunty chioma happened to walk in on me one day naked, I had just finished taking a bath after a strenuous and fun filled football match, “ you know how young boys are”, and was applying lotion on my body when she called me.
Daniel!!, Daniel!!!!, where the hell is this useless boy she rants.
I'm coming aunty chi. That’s what she wants to be called, am dressing up, I replied.
I can’t hear you, can’t you speak louder, she said opening the door to my room.
Oh my god!!!!, she exclaimed, seeing my dick dangling down between my thighs.
“Can’t you knock”, I screamed covering my body with my hands, there isn’t much to cover anyways.
Is this real…. She asked, pointing at my dick, her eyes glazed over.
Are you drunk again; I asked. That had become a normal thing in the house, even my mom do drink and she does drink a lot.
No, am alright she drawled, kicking her lips, her eyes never leaving my thighs..
Jess! You reek of smoke, can you please leave, I want to put something on, I said edging closer to the bed.
There is no need for you to be shy about your body, you are endowned, she claims.
Why are you looking for me, I asked, trying to distract her, but part of me enjoyed the attention I’m receiving.
Huhh, forget about that, has anyone tapped that yet, she pointed at my rapidly enlarging dick. I looked down at it as though am seeing it for the first time. She edged closer and asked, “ can I touch it?”. If it was permission she needed, she didn’t wait for it, she cupped my member with both hands and I gloried in her touch. Its length began to increase more than ever and I was scared to hell of what I was experiencing from her touch. It was gentle, soothing and even dangerous.
I moved away from her so abruptly that if frightened her. I quickly put on my clothes with my back turned against her.
She was so silent, it could be argued that she had left the room. I knew she was right behind me. I began to fight an internal war within me, that of what is right and what I had wanted to do. Some of the guys had already had their first kissing. Wale and Tunde had had sex even. I appear to be the only one in the clique without the hope of experiencing any of this anytime soon. At least, Moses and Femi are always speaking of those their crushes that were willing when they are.
  Aunty Chioma must have discerned my indecision, it was the only reason I could explain the way she left the room quietly without another word.
When I was alone, I stared at the monster in my boxers, what to do to please him now was the next thing on my list. I reached for my smartphone and quickly went to my browser. The adrenaline rush of what to anticipate on the pornhub was enough to make me cum. I didn’t even get to click on any video before aunty chioma returned. I cursed loudly for not remembering to close the door when she left.
“ Hey, I brought something for you “, she said as she admitted herself into the room.
I pressed my member with my hands as a form of decency.
She was holding a lighted joint in her hand. The smell saturated the room and I inhaled it into my lungs. I had always craved the smell.
I moved towards her and she passed it unto me.  I took a long drag and the cannabinoid hits me hard. I whooped and coughed loudly. I reached it out to her but she pushed it back to me.
“ You got to drag it long but slowly”. She showed me how and thirty minutes later I felt enveloped by a stillness that made me have no care in the world. I feel the tension slips away from me. I was super sensitive. The sound of my heartbeats was as loud as the sounds of the raindrops.
I tried to match my heartbeat with the phut phut sound the rains makes as it hits the ground.
Aunty chioma moved closer and placed her hands on my thighs. I laughed almost foolishly because I knew I was defeated. She ran her hand over my thighs and my member responded, we locked eyes and I knew that the story we were about to create will be so unbelievable that the boys will have a hard time believing.
I had watched enough porn to know what to do next. But she wanted to be in charge so I let her. She made me lean against some pillows she tucked behind me. I couldn’t stop grinning. My mind,  body, soul and spirit were In a bliss. Now I know why Wale and Tunde do brag about it, the feeling was superb.
The way aunty chi, does all the magic trick with her hands made me concluded that she didn’t just studied philosophy in school but how to please a man.
“Chai, you are hard ohh!!”, she said handling my enlarged and red head dick. I have always knew you are a dirty little boy she cooed, dripping saliva all over my throbbing dick, her hand moving fast for my eyes to follow. Those that says that the path to destruction is sweet didn’t lie. The feeling and joy I am receiving made my day, I could finally brag about being a man now to my friend’s.
Aunty chi, popped open her bra, giving me full view of her breast, “ she did has a nice rack”, I reasoned with myself. Her brown little hard areola bud begged for attention, my gaze stayed glued to it.
You can touch it, you know, aunty chi said, enveloping my seven inch dick all at once with her mouth.
Fuck!!, that feels so good. Years of jacking off to porn didn’t prepare me for the pleasures I ‘m receiving now, it felt like I died and came back “ well it would have been better if I had died then than growing up to be the beast I became”.
I believe that was the day I began to live. Life became interesting to me and I always look forward to the moments I am to spend with aunty chioma. The boys noticed my sudden change in attitude and I finally gave in and was shocked to realise they were into weed. “ what the hell!, why isn’t anyone telling me anything”. They confessed it was only a one time thing and I vowed to make it an everyday thing.
My paths to darkness was finalised that day with that promise.
The images keeps flashing right through my eyes and I could also remember the day I got fully involved in drugs. I had began to take some weeds from aunty chioma and smoke with the guys, but that was never enough. I wanted more. My mother’s sexual and drugs exploits stopped bothering me. I reasoned school was a waste of time and stop going all together. It took my mother a year to realise this, but nothing can be done then.
I became so obsessed with drugs and sex that aunty chioma confessed I was getting out of hand, which I myself knew to be true. Well she is to be blamed for she set me on that course.
My behaviour got to a point that my friends stopped hanging out with me, apparently they are not man enough, I thought to myself.
I started hanging out with new friends that share the same goals with me; goals that encompasses getting high over and again, we abused drugs such as cough syrups and TM ( Tramadol) and weed prepared in different ways, I lived for only two things; sex and drugs. With such company came the desire to outdo each other and show how bold one can get. I stopped coming home all together. Of course I realised that I was a man already and I could stay out as long as I wanted, not that anyone misses me at home. My mother had stopped coming home, she ran away with her lover leaving me alone and aunty chioma has opted out after a near death experience with me. I came home one day high on drugs and demanded for sex, she refused and I raped her; no I beat her to stupor and raped her. That changes everything and she left home.
I become what could be referred to as an urchin, I started trafficking drugs, well it was the only way I could get money to buy more drugs.
My childhood cliques were ashamed to identify with me. All of them were in the higher institutions. But I couldn’t stop now. Do you know what it means to be powerless. It is the inability to say no; the urge to escape reality and hide under the veil of illusion. Drugs made me forget I was a failure, it made me feel the present, whenever I am high, there is no thought about the past or the future, only the present with all the euphoria it has to offer.
I knew I was a prisoner of my own self and I couldn’t help it. I made resolutions only to break them. I feel useless and incapable of anything in my life. My young life came to a sudden halt and I was devastated because there was nothing I could do about it. I had only one solution for my every anxiety; more drugs and sex. My situation worsened that I had no flesh left on my body, my bony structure could be seen from afar. So when Matel came with what I thought was a job offer, I accepted right there on the spot. It was more lucrative than the street to street trafficking I was involved in.
I started trafficking drugs between states and had become so good at it, that the military checkpoints to me were a foolish thing and a waste of time cause I could swear they didn’t know what to even look for. I had become a guru at it or so I thought. I had no reservation left or thoughts about my future.
I think Matel wanted to test my integrity before setting me off to a new and demanding tax. This I said because the next personal package I received contained an international passport; with a new identity  I was uplifted and knew that my life was to change drastically beyond my imagination.
Yes I predicted that correctly. But what I didn’t predict was that it was the step that led to my downfall and death.
The package Matel gave me was to be delivered in a foreign country, the thought of trafficking drugs between countries terrified and at the same time made my blood churns. It was a new area of expertise for me. I get to fulfill my long time dream of travelling out and of course to sample how foreign ladies are, rumours has it that Kenya ladies are freaks in bed and I want to put that theory to test. And Cameroon is known for its exquisite taste for weed, I couldn’t stop salivating for the euphorium I am going to be exposed to.
One would say luck was on my side cause my delivery was a success and I got to fulfill all my fantasies. Kenya ladies were indeed freaks when it comes to sex. I thanked my stars for sending Matel my way for he opened doors to my breakthrough, well that’s what I thought. I started believing I am invincible, I had become popular in my country and other neighbouring countries, when it comes to weeds and sex I am your man, even the local police starts to fear me and I dwelled in the respect am receiving. All the thought of being useless disappeared, I had found a purpose now. I stopped caring over  trivial things that normally should have bugged me. My only aim is to be able to acquire more drugs to abuse and more ladies to sleep with, I had no control left
My continuous exploration of the dark side led to me meeting Frank, he was a successful drug dealer too in his country Ghana, we became fast friends and share almost everything. I learned new things from him and he from me. Our relationship was that of the protozoan and the termite. We both benefitted from each other. With him I learnt the true meaning of power. I became a god to the young upcoming kids that were already into the path am on.
The images or memories as one would call it keeps flashing rapidly, I have no resolve left to stop it. The ground which I lay had changed colour from brown to red. The images flickered and settle on the day I died, I lay still as I watch the replay of how I died.
A popular adage says “ not all that glitter is gold”. I learnt that on the mission that became the last one I ever did.
I received a new package from Matel as usual, he insisted it was a very difficult task due to the recent change in the military personel at the checkpoints and asked me to be very careful, it was as if he knew what was going to happen. I am to deliver the package to a drug lord in the far away state to the north of Nigeria. I couldn’t wait to deliver it and get back to my laviscious lifestyle. Frank opted to tag along, he claims he also has a business to do when we get there, I couldn’t refuse.
On the day I died, I had gotten on the road as early as possible with frank pulling the shotgun, we passed lots of checkpoints which is strange cause I have never seen a checkpoint so tightly managed, but that didn’t bother me, we are all slave to the thing called money; in which I have in abundance, giving a little to the military is not a problem. But something was off, I could feel it, maybe frank did for he opened the dashboard and pulled out a gun; a nineteen eighty seven government issued glock, he checked for ammos and the working condition. I have never seen a gun up close before and the thought of me handling it frightened me. It was a strange territory for me. Frank must have noticed the change in my mood and returned it back to its place. “ you have never shot a gun right” he asked.
I nodded, my fixed on the road, well it’s simple years of watching american movies will teach you that, just flip off the safety, point it in the direction you want and pull the trigger, he said.
I nodded but I have no intention of using it, little did I know I was lying to myself.
It was late in the night  when we reached the border of the state we were going, I sighed a breath of relieve, all we had to do was to pass the  the checkpoint and we will be free, I reasoned.
The flashlight of the men on duty signalled us to pull over, I did bringing up my most enticing smile. Frank had become tensed his eyes never leaving the dashboard.
What do you have in your car?, where are you coming from?, where are you off to? Series of questions were thrown at me.
Hello officers, I smiled at them, the sights of faces that greeted me were strange from the usual. We are just going to chill sir, my friend and I are on vacation I replied
What’s your name the officer who signalled me to stop asked.
Daniel okafor, the name sound distant. It’s being long I used it.
And your friend, he asked pointing his touch at him.
Oga, he is Williams I lied. Can’t he answer himself, let me see your papers he asked which I gave him.
You will have to get down we need to search the vehicle, he gestured to his fellow officers to join him.
Oga, no need for that, we are just going to chillest in your state, my mind was racing. I got out of the car and followed the officer up.
Frank eyes followed the officer’s, he stayed in the car, I could feel him tensing up, this was going out wrong.
Open your booth, one of the officer asked. I complied with them,my heart racing, this officers really mean business. I only hope they don’t search the secret compartment where I stached the package I was to deliver. One of the officers went to meet Frank and was discussing with him. What they were saying I couldn’t hear but from the way Frank was behaving it was not going good. In our line of business when you are found with drugs on, you leave no room for capture, so when the officer started loosening up the screw to the secret compartment, I knew I was toast. I made an excuse to relieve myself in the nearby bush but was declined. It was as if the officer sensed my discomfort.
I saw frank reached into the dashboard and retrieved the glock. This was not going well, he signalled to the woods and I knew what he was about to do. The moment the officer opened the compartment, I made a run for it, dashing into the woods with frank accompanying me.
Hey wait, freeze, shit its weed. I could hear the sounds of heels hot on our back. Frank fired off shots to stop the officers from following us, but they only opened returned fire, bullets flew everywhere, I was never more scared than this before. I tore through branches and roots of tree that were in my way not minding the scratches they leave on my body. My only thought was to escape. The shout of pain from frank distracted me he had been hit, I watched him fall down, his face priceless as the gun fell from his hand, I ran to his side clutching his head, tears flowed down my eyes, he gave me the gun before giving up. My hand shook as I hold the gun. Death has claimed the only friend I had. I continued in my race, franks words about shooting came back to me  and I fired my first shots into the night.
A grunt of pain from behind alerted me my careless firing had hit a point. Streets light shine ahead, and I altered my direction towards it, if only I could get back on the road and hijack a car, I could lose those chasing me. I had nearly reached the road when a scream of pain escaped from my mouth. I had been shot. My legs gave out and I fell to the ground, my eyes were frozen with shock. Blood flowed out from the wound on my chest rapidly. I suddenly find breathing difficult, the ground which I lay was quickly filled with blood. My eyes opened and closed and repeated the motion over and over and then I lay still not moving, staring out into the sky, wondering how the stars was made.
The images came to a halt as life finally fades out of me. I had died. I couldn’t hear the officers shouting he is down. I had gone down the misery path.