Why?

Prologue

           I stomp up the stairs of my second home nearly breaking every board as I come up. When I reach her white wooden door, I try to storm in, but its locked. "Shelbs... open the door," I said in a low growl. "Shelby Lynn Kelly if you don't open this God forsaken door, I'll break it down myself!" I practically scream. Tears are threatening to spill from my eyes as I slide down the door of her childhood bedroom. "Please... Shelby open the door," my voice cracking as I say it. As I look through the hall all I can see are the hundreds upon hundreds of pillow forts and fashion shows held in this very hall, I never thought these walls would see the day that Shelby and I would fight over her abuse of alcohol and substances. "I know you're not listening to me, but I saw the cigarettes, when did you become this person Shelbs?" I said thinking out loud. Tears are pouring from my eyes now. When did this happen to her? What made her start smoking blunts, cigarettes, drugs even? When did I not protect her from this? "Hey Shelbs remember my fifth birthday when I had that huge waterside and you were scared that you would get hurt," it's still silent on the other side of this stupid door, " And I said I would always protect you from getting hurt, why couldn't I do this now?" My voice cracked at the last part. As I look back her problem with me and everything else started with a blue eyed, brown headed boy named Harrison. My mind goes back to the night of the party. We were dressed in tight sparkly black dresses that hit about mid-thigh on us. We had matching black heels, hair curled to perfection and our makeup was subtle, but our ruby red lipstick could stop anyone in the room. As we entered the house you could not ignore the reeking scent of pot, stale beer, and sweaty people. Red solo cups littered the house and it looked like thousands of people were on the makeshift dance floor. "I'm going to go get a drink," I yell over the loudspeakers. Shelby just nodded her head to the dance floor. I made my way to the kitchen kegs filled with cheap beer lined the wall, counters filled with different flavored Jell-O shots, and finally what I was looking for, the fridge filled with water. Boring I know,

+ but I promised to be the designated driver. I made my way back to the living room and my eyes lock with Shelby. She was pressing herself against the boy she would eventually call her boyfriend, Harrison. He had his hands all over her. "Oh my gosh, Haven come here!" Shelby squealed. We've only been here for an hour and this woman is wasted. "Umm...Har...Hari...Harrison wants to take us to his room!" she said while slurring her words. "Shelbs I don't think that's going to be a good idea," I say in a warning tone, "I never said it was a good idea, I just thought it would be fun," She giggled. Before I could reply she was dragging me up the stairs. We all entered this room with bookshelves filled with full liquor bottles, and what looked like six lines of cocaine. It felt like he was waiting for us. "Would you like a drink Ms. Haven?" Harrison said interrupting my thoughts. "Um no thank you," I replied swiftly, trying not to be rude. "Well too bad, I already made you one," He said playfully. Once he handed me the drink, his head was buried in the line of coke. I slowly sipped on the strong drink, the hard liquor burning going down my throat. I don't remember much after that drink at all, but I do remember hearing someone scream, "HELP ME, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" I couldn't move, it was like I was paralyzed. I finally come out of my daydream when the stream of tears pricked my flushed red cheeks. My voice cracks after every other word as I say, "Shelby those drugs aren't you, getting high isn't you, coming home so drunk that you can't see straight isn't you!" I know I'm screaming at this point, but I continued, "Those God forsaken cigarettes in a dirty ashtray isn't you. The Shelby I know doesn't like boys like Harrison. Boys who drug girls and then use them at his own personal will." I didn't know it was possible to scream and sob at the same time but here I am doing it, while ranting to a closed door, "The Shelby I know wants to go to college, wants to have a church wedding, wants to have two kids, and wants to live by me in the same neighborhood as me!" I just wish I knew how to help her see that the partying is not her, not the girl I've known for years, the girl at when she was thirteen, she still had to have a night light because the dark was a scary place. Where was the girl who loved Disney so much, she went five times a year? Where's the girl in 2nd grade that cried when her favorite pale pink headband broke? Where is the girl who would face-time me Luke Bryan's Country Girl because she was thinking of me? Before I know my body is going full force toward her door. I can hear cracking, but nothing is happening. Every word is coming out ragged, but I say "Shelby... please... open. the... door.'' With the final word the wooden door came crashing down when I realized I was in her room I saw her. Her body was puffed up like it has been there for days. Did Kristy and Danny not pay enough attention to her to realize she hadn't been out of her room in days? My mind is clouded until I see a gleaming needle half full in her left arm. My mind can't process any thought, but I start pushing air in and out of her lungs even though I knew she was gone. With any hope left of her still being alive I call 911. "911 what's your emergency," the lady said with a monotone voice. I know I'm blubbering and probably don't make sense, but I say, "My best friend... she...her arm... there's something in her arm... she's not breathing... help me please." "Ma'am I will trace the call, I am sending an ambulance your way," the woman said. The line went dead. I place her head in my lap hoping to comfort her, but mostly myself. Her once vivid hazel eyes now stare back at me lifeless. Her silky soft dark brown hair now stays matted in my lap. Red and blue lights shadow the wall of her pale pink room. The distant sound of the ambulance is in the background, when I look down at her face, her lips are so blue its like she ate a blue raspberry Popsicle. The paramedics come rushing into her room I try to hold her for as long as I can until they rip her lifeless body out of my arms. I try to look away, but I can't. She's gone, like really gone. I stay in this position for hours sobbing into the nothingness that is her room until I pass out. When I wake up, I go to the end of the hall where the guest bathroom is and look in the mirror, the person in it doesn't look like me. Her eyes are red and look as if all hope has been drained from them. Her cheeks are red and splotchy. All my thoughts are empty except one, why?