If You Just Smile

1

Everything happens in slow motion as the chaos ensues, like a clip in a movie, and I can almost hear the background music of laughters and whispers and all the things I absolutely despise.

I drop to my knees, putting a hand over the girl and running it smoothly down her back as an act of comfort. Glancing around, I see our classmates towering over us, some with looks of concern on their faces and on others, expressions that show they couldn't care less, but are ready to spread another piece of gossip around the campus.

In between the uniform clad pillars, I catch a glimpse of a twisted smile, and I'm stunned into silence. The noise, the people, everything around me fades away.

That smile brings me back to when I first transferred to this school.

---

"Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?"

Ms. Han was a beautiful, young form teacher in her late twenties. Perhaps if she didn't wear makeup and wore a uniform like the rest of us she would pass for a student. Her English was smooth and clear; she had the standards you would expect from an English medium private school.

"I'm Cheryl Chen. Pleased to meet you."

Facing a class filled with unfamiliar faces made my heartbeat pick up. I was nervous and lost and desperate to make a good impression. It took a few deep breaths to stop myself from stumbling over the words in my self introduction.

"Welcome, Cheryl. Have a seat next to Henry."

I followed the direction to which her hand gestures and traces a boy sitting by the window. The moment I found him, his eyes found me.

It took me less than a millisecond to break that eye contact.

Wearing a frozen smile on my face, I staggered towards the seat and pulled on the chair gently, and sat down. Should I greet him? Should I not? It was a split second decision when I stiffly turned to my left and nodded with a small wave of my hand.

"Hello," I said in Chinese. I was only able to clearly see his face when he turned towards me at the sound of my greeting.

At that moment, I was absolutely captivated. It was that smile that made my heart skip a beat— a smile so bright, so beautiful, so pure, like a ray of sunshine breaking through the storm brewing on my first day of school.

"Hello," he said back, gliding over his words ever so elegantly with the posh city boy accent he has. "I'm Xuan He Jun. You can call me Henry or Jun. I'm fine with either."

"Oh." I bunched up my sweaty palms under the desk, barely keeping my composure. "Cheryl or Mei Yi will do for me. I'm Chen Mei Yi."

"Brilliant, nice to meet you Mei Yi."

A mix of emotions then hit me. Excitement, delight, anxiety, everything came towards me in a rush. The way he addressed me seemed so intimate. I had to keep myself calm. I kept telling myself that he was just being friendly and sweet. It was nothing special. I was lucky, I thought. To have a handsome and friendly guy as my seat neighbour.

Time flew quickly and we took a short break from classes. As the teacher left the classroom, the noise increased, and everyone started talking over and to each other. It would have been delightful, if not for my identity as the new transfer student; so far, I was still a loner.

I was about to turn to initiate a conversation with Jun when I heard him push back his chair and stand up, stretching. Not today, I told myself, when I watched him stroll to the other end of the classroom to find a group of boys. His friends, probably.