What If I

Part 7: If I...

It would be horrid if it was the latter. If she made things work for him because he could die. She has no doubt in her mind that they both loved each other, but maybe that love shifted into something different near the end. Maybe she stopped expecting so much from him and let everything else slide. Or maybe he actually did start reaching those high goals and made a better effort. Either way, Helen remembers that night almost perfectly- which is pretty impressive for her because if she is completely legless, she doesn't remember a thing.

Getting to her home, she walks up the steps and unlocks her teal front door before heading inside. She flicks the switch beside the door and looks at her home. Untouched. Clean. Organized. It frustrates her, but she did this to herself. To protect Max- which has also been her end goal. She can't help wanting him to live in a perfect bubble, even if it means she has to make the sacrifices. She'd given him up to another doctor to push her feelings for him down because he was married. She had given Castro half her department so she would keep treating him. She nearly got beaten up on Riker's Island accompanying him. She had risked her life the same day when trying to lead the prisoners over taking the hospital into the police barricade, so Max wouldn't get in trouble by releasing them and almost getting himself killed. She also lost her titles and wanted to leave, but stayed because she loves Max. Sitting on her steps, she realizes that in the last, almost, year, she has done more for the sake of Max than she ever expected or would have done for anyone else. Has Max ever truly sacrificed something for her? He was willing to get fired if she didn't get her titles back, but once more Helen stopped him from doing that. Other than that instance, he has never truly gone out on a limb for her. That's okay, though, because Helen is a strong independent woman who needs no man...but she only wants one- Max.
Sighing, she pulls herself from the shag carpeted steps and heads upstairs to her room. If the world around her could be filled with one thing- Helen would fill it with Max.

Walking into work Monday, Helen feels weird. As if something is missing. She makes it halfway across the atrium, when she realizes it's Max. Max is missing. Usually he is racing over to her, calling her name and starts yammering on about something silly and unwork related. Today he isn't racing to catch up, or calling her name- or even yammering on about how baby formula actually tastes like bland vanilla water. She waits and then sighs, before continuing on her way to punch in.

Coming out of the elevator, she thought she heard him coming up behind her and when she turned to see, it was just the janitor following her with his lunch and coffee. Why is she looking for him? Why does she expect him to just be around every corner like she didn't tell him she was ending their thing? He said nothing between them would change, and it it obviously had. He obviously felt the awkward pressure of their "break up" and decided to change their routine. It's not that she doesn't feel awkward wanting him to be beside her, unchanged, she feels extremely awkward, but she still wants their friendship to be stable. Heading down to the E.R, Helen searches for Bloom. She knows that she will know where Max is. However, does she truly want Lauren pushing in on this? She will only make it worse for her, because Lauren is...a bit much.

"Hey!" Too late. Turning around Helen finds Lauren barreling down the hallway to her and she turns to start walking and avoid her. She knows Lauren isn't going to be happy that she left her to talk to Casey last night. She hears Lauren pick up her pace and Helen does the same, only in heels. She rounds a corner, and people watch and stare at her. She she turns back to see if Lauren is right there, she knocks into someone and is laying on top of their solid body in the floor. Turning to see who it is, she inwardly groans. Max. Goodwin. His files are everywhere, and her purse's contents are as well. "Helen, you are a...oh, well hello you two. Have a nice trip?"

"I'm sorry, Max..." Helen gets off of him and helps him sit up. He rubs the back of his head and closes his eyes wincing. "Are you okay?"

"Don't you know not to run in the hospital...especially if you're not going to pay attention coming around a corner." He groans and Helen and Lauren start picking up his papers for him. Once getting all his papers back in his files, they start grabbing Helen's things and stuffing them in her purse. "Why were you running anyway?"