What If I

Part 7: If I...

"Wow, I heard rumors you could lay a man out with a beer in your hand. Pretty sweet. You would've like some of my army buddies. They sure would've liked you." Casey hands her a free beer and she smiles and then kicks Lauren under the bar top for her to make a move.

"I didn't know you worked here?" She asks and Helen nearly groans in frustration at her friend's ineptitude.

"Oh I'm just filling in for a buddy of mine. He's having a hard time, so I told him I'd cover a few shifts." Both girls smile at how sweet he is and Helen feels she needs to leave these two to explore something on a deeper level.

"Oh- shoot. You know what Lauren- I completely forgot. I have to do some research tonight. Have fun with Casey." She hops off the stool and Lauren grabs her hand.

"What are you doing?" She whispers and then looks at Casey taking a gentlemen's order.

"Giving you two some time to talk outside of work. I think you should try." Helen says and Lauren stops her one more time.

"You didn't tell me about Max though..."

"It doesn't matter. Really. I'll catch up with you later. Tell me how it goes." She pulls out of Lauren's grasp and makes her way out of the Pub and down the side walk. Her mind is clouded with Max and how he used to order his big juicy burgers from here. She misses the way he would just seem so content eating it with sloppy fries and washing it all down with horrible domestic beer. They would come to Bulldog's after work at least twice every other week. They would sit and chat- laugh about work, and over all just share each other's company. She wishes she could go back to those days, where everything was simple and she didn't have to try and impress Max. Where they could tell each other anything and not worry about losing them.

She remembers the one time she got a little too legless (a lot actually) after a really hard day. It was back before Georgia died and Max hadn't fully been forgiven by his pregnant wife. He was trying to walk Helen home and half way, it wasn't going as smoothly as it should have. He stopped, got in front of her and bent down, telling her to get on for a piggy back ride. She didn't even hesitate. He was so strong and she just laughed and told him weird embarrassing stories about when she was an intern. When he got to her home, he set her down on the top stoop and rifled through her purse for her keys. When he found them and opened the door, he managed- by some miracle- to influence Helen to go inside and up to bed. She got halfway up the stairs when she called to him and asked him to help her into bed. Being Max, he did and when he got her in bed, he looked down into her brown eyes and sighed.

"You over did it Sharpe. You better be in work tomorrow." She furrowed her brows at him and he laughed.

"How is it, that you're wife- could be mad at you?" Max sits on the edge of the bed and sighs.

"Because I work too much and told her I wouldn't. She gave up her career to start a family with me and I was supposed to do the same." Helen, speaking the truth due to her inebriation, spills her guts.

"She's sounds selfish to me. She should have known when she met you...that you will do anything to help people. It's who you are. I'd never expect you to be anything different. Doctors have families all the time. Why do you have to give up what makes you you?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I'm always letting her down."

"Then her expectations of you are too high, because if they weren't....you'd reach them." He sat there and took in her words like a sponge. She doesn't know if that was for the best or not, but he did. Somehow he turned his relationship with Georgia around, but Helen was never too positive if it was because of her words or because of his cancer.