Once upon a time there was a guy called santa.
Tbf he was a bit of a weirdo.
He was fat and wore red suits that made him look like one of the big red balls from total wipeout.
Could probably bounce off of him with that stomach jesus.
Santa claus was well known for "giving people presents" at christmas, but that's a lie mate sorry to tell ya.
You see:
At the start of every year, santa instructs his little elves to build children's toys for him. The lie states that santa flies around the world giving good children toys at christmas, but the only people that are getting presents are the elves back at the north pole. Santa is their leader, so he must find a way to feed his people in the cold and desolate land they live in. They don't eat fish bc they're moist and slimy and gross lol. Here is a story.
"CAN I STAY UP TO SEE SANTA MOTHER"
"k whatever shithead"
"FANUKS"
Lillie went downstairs and waited for santy claus to pop his fat arse down the chimney
how tf does he even get down there, butter?
lillie was getting sleepy, but as her eyes started to close, she heard a loud bang.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE I HAVE A SPLINTER IN MY ARSE"
she gasp
"sANTa ClAuS"
he whipped his head around and saw le child
"sup fucker you wanna see a toy train"
"bOY DO I"
"lol k come to the sled"
they went to his sled that was led by his also fat reindeers
Lillie saw the train and was liek WOAH A TRAIN
Santa clickity clicked his fingers and
the train turned into a bag and engulfed the child whole
"AHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK"
"Watch yo profanity you fucking gremlin"
santa tied the bag and moved onto the next house
after a few more houses santa got tired, so he grabbed one of the bags and succed the child's soul out of the bag
s l u r p
noice
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
when santa came back from taking the kids the elves started to unload the bags
they started singing as they chucked the soulless children into an oven
"DECK THE HALLS WITH CHILDRENS ORGANS FALALALALALALALA"
"JINGLE BELL JINGLE BELL JINGLE BELL ROCK
COOK UP THE CHILDREN AND USE THEM AS SMOCKS"
so yeah the elves eat children and santa eats their souls
