Eggs B. enedict

This is def how adoption works. I looked it up on Bing.com

Hi. My name is Sam. Just kidding I decided I want to write this in 3rd person. Hi. My name is the being that narrates this. I know how to read and write and this is what I am deciding to write about. I know the difference between you're and your, it's and its, and their, there and they're. But for fun I'm going to mess them up because I can. But enough of the boring stuff. Lettuce begin.

Sam was your average girl. She had long brown hair, and green eyes. And a nose. (And mouth). The thing that set her apart was the fact that she wore doc martens, a beanie, and sometimes dyed her hair. She had 2 tattoos, probably of skulls and stuff like that. She wasn't like other girls.
All her life she hid away in her room from her shitty stepmom who yelled all the time. She never talked to anyone. Her only friend was her pet toad, Goose.
On this particular Thursday night, she was listening to the Frozen 2 soundtrack and thinking about how much she hated her life. She would only be happier in the arms of a tall skinny white man with curly brown hair and light eyes, much like her own. Except her hair was straight. Because she straightened it I think. Or maybe it's naturally like that. I'm not sure. I never asked. But she was sad knowing there was no skinny white boy to love her. Until today.
Sam's stepmom burst into the room and said, "Samanthippy, your a horrible girl and I'm selling you to the federal government who will put you up for adoption, AKA post-birth-abortion. But don't worry, somehow someone already wants to adopt you".
Sam looked at her shitty stepmom™️ and said, "but Linda I'm 18, I can't be put up for adoption. I'm an adult. That is not how this works".
"Fuck off. This is a Wattpad fanfic I can do whatever I want to asshole. Don't you want to see who's adopting you? Come in here, Mr. Batch".
Before Sam could let out another word, the most beautiful man walked into her room. He was the tall skinny white male of her dreams. His face was approximately one and a half feet long, his lips were lips, and his eyes were slightly unfocused. He was so perfect. Could this really be her new legal guardian? More like legal guardian angel. He spoke:
"Hi, my name is Benedict Cumberbatch. This is the only time in this whole story that my name will be spelled correctly. Cherish it".
Sam was nearly speechless, and stood silent for a few moments before finally responding,
"What a strange name. Benedict Cumbeirbatch. My name is Sam, Sam for short. Are you like my dad now"?
"No... but you CAN call me daddy. Daddy was my nickname in highschool. Bing bop tiddly pip. Sorry, that was my British coming out. Anyways lets go to your new home. Get in the taxi"
Sam was confused and overwhelmed, but this was a chance at a new life. Uncertain for the future, she got in the taxi with Benedictch. Where would it lead her? Would this strange man be nice to her? Why did he look so much like Dr. Strange now that she thinks of it? You'll have to find out next time I decide to continue this godforsaken story.