Walking Fragile Lines

No Turning Back

"She meant nothing to me!", he spat out, causing her to scoff as she looked away from him. Brian took her hands in his, holding them tightly as he silently begged her to look at him. "She meant nothing to me, Liv. I don't even remember her name", he admitted. And it was true. Brian really didn't remember the woman's name, nor did he want to. 

"Don't you see?", she said, snatching her hands away from him. "That makes it that little bit worse", she told him, sitting back down at the dining room table as she ran her fingers through her hair. "You risked everything we have together - our marriage, our family - for one night with a woman who meant nothing you?", she continued as she shook her head. Brian had no idea how to make this right. Mere moments before he had woken up thinking all he had to do was apologise and they would talk it out and everything would be fine. But this was something he didn't know how to fix. Something he didn't know if he could fix. But he was going to try. "How could you do this to me? To us?", she asked as she sobbed. Brian attempted to approach her, reaching out for her shoulders before she violently shrugged him off. "Don't! Don't touch me", she told him. Brian sat silently for a moment, watching his wife in utter turmoil as he struggled for a solution. "Was she good?", she suddenly asked. Brian was absolutely mortified by the question, unsure of how to answer such a query. 

"She - she was nothing. She means nothing to me", Brian sighed as he sat back down at the table, pinching the bridge of his nose as he fought back his own tears.

The pair had sat in an uncomfortable silence for what felt like hours. Liv was clearly pondering her next words or actions, whereas Brian was the most ashamed he had ever felt.

"What can I do to fix this Liv? I'll - I'll do anything. Please", he pleaded with her.

"Unless you have a time machine? There's nothing you can do", she told him as she sniffed, getting up and heading back over to the sink and pouring herself a glass of water. Brian had never felt such shame and fear. He was terrified of losing her, but he also couldn't blame her if she couldn't forgive him. But, he had to ask. He had to know where they stood now and where this was going to go.

"What - what do you wanna do?", he asked nervously. Liv sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair, looking completely fragile and helpless.

"I don't know Brian", she told him with bated breath. "But I do know that I - I can't even look at you right now", she scoffed as she shook her head. "I don't even know what she looks like! But, all I can see when I look at you is you kissing her, and touching her, and bringing her here and I just - I can't", she shuddered at her own thoughts as she poured herself another glass of water, downing it in one swift gulp. "I'm gonna go and stay at Bessy's for a while. I'll ask your mom to drop the kids off there tomorrow", she suddenly said.

"No", Brian said, causing her to look angrily at him. "This is the kids' home. And yours. I - I'll go", he told her. Liv stared at him silently as he looked back at her. He wanted so desperately to hold her in his arms, to tell her just how much he loved her and how stupid he knew he had been but he knew it would do no good. He had never seen Liv look at him this way - with such pain and hurt in her eyes. Without another word, Brian took himself back upstairs to get dressed and collect some of his things. Heading back down with a duffle bag packed, Liv was back sitting at the dining room table, with her hand covering her mouth as she stared into space. "I'm - I'm so sorry Liv", he said quietly. But when she didn't answer, Brian took the hint and left, making his way to the only place he could think of to go.

Brian arrived at Joe's place relieved to know that his kids weren't home. Brian needed to talk and with kids around that would be near damn impossible. He knew that he could go to Sal or Murr who definitely wouldn't have little ears around to hear, but Sal would only yell and cause a scene and Murr would smother him with sympathy; sympathy Brian knew he did not deserve. Joe was a perfect balance of the two. He knocked on the door slowly before it suddenly swung open to reveal Bessy standing there. Brian knew Liv had called her the moment they had made eye contact. He had never seen Bessy look so enraged as she stared him down.

"You're lucky I love my best friend and my husband - or you'd have a fat lip right now", she told him angrily. Brian nodded in understanding. He wished someone would punch him. He would only deserve it. Bessy barged past him and out to her car before backing out of the driveway and down the street. Brian knew where she was going, and he was only grateful that Liv had her to rely on, especially since he was the one who had let her down. Shutting the door behind him, Brian cautiously made his way into the living room where Joe sat with Biscotti on his lap in front of the TV. He quickly switched it off when he saw Brian, giving him a disapproving look as he sighed.

"I really fucked up this time Joey", Brian exhaled, unable to hold back his own emotions as his eyes welled up with thick hot tears. Joe gently put Biscotti on the couch beside him as he got up and gave his friend a hearty hug before inviting him into the kitchen and making them both a cup of coffee.

"I'm not gonna lie to you buddy - this is bad", Joe told him. Brian nodded, silently nursing his mug of coffee as he allowed his shame to consume him. "What the hell happened?", he asked. Brian sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I was just so pissed at myself. Liv was right last night - I convinced her to come to the club with me thinking it'd be good for us and then I just abandoned her", he said sadly. "I - I didn't mean to. And I just started to feel this overwhelming self loathing so I - I wanted to feel numb. Drank way more than I should have and that's when some girl came over and started talking to me", he sighed. "She just started telling me all these things I wanted to hear - that I wanted to believe - that I'm a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have me no matter what", he shook his head as he listened to his own story. He couldn't believe what he had done.

"You are great guy Q! Everyone has their problems and hardships. You didn't need some random girl to tell you that", Joe told him.

"I know", Brian sighed once more. "I just - god, I need her to forgive me Joe. I don't know what I'll do without her", his voice broke under the intense realisation that this could be the end of he and Liv.

"Well, you can stay here for as long as you need to", Joe offered. "Bessy's not gonna like it, but she'll understand", he told him.

"Thanks man", Brian smiled weakly at his friend, hoping with everything he had that Liv would decide he was worth fighting for.