Conflicted

1.

The numbness was all she felt, and all she could think about was the fear in his eyes as he hung by the edge of the cliff, knowing he was about to fall to his death. But there was a ray of hope in his eyes—for her to pull him up, despite the fact that he would be locked away and tortured every day for the crimes he had committed. Still, she couldn't—didn't—pull him up.

Silent tears rolled down her eyes as she hugged her knees closer to her chest, water in the tub sloshed around as she did. Resting her forehead on her knees, the memory played out in her brain over and over again, reminding her of the despair in his eyes as he fell; punishing her for choosing to not save his life. It was ironic, really. Layla's hands were not at all clean, she had assassinated plenty of people, but those were emotionless paid justice.

Vince also deserved death, for everything he had done to her family and many others. Letting him die should have given Layla satisfaction, so why did she feel so guilty?

A slight creak of a door told Layla that someone was checking up on her, but she couldn't bring her heavy head up to see who. A whiff of burning in the air told her that it was her mate, Ren. He walked towards the tub and, without taking his clothes off, stepped in behind her. Ren's legs encircled hers, his arms went around her waist and pulled her back against him. Still, her head was glued to her knees. But as she felt his lips touched her left shoulder, a sob escaped from her throat. She closed her eyes finally and cried.

"It's okay, Starshine," Ren said softly. "Let the tears flow."

"Why— "Layla choked, "why does this time have to feel different?"

Ren pulled her in tighter, knowing exactly what she meant. "You couldn't have pulled him up, he was too big for you to carry."

At that, Layla lifted her head. "I could've held onto him until you guys got there. I could—"

"No, you couldn't have." Ren cut in. "He would have pulled you over, and you would have fallen with him."

Layla sniffed, turned her body sideways and rested her head on her mate's chest. She was safe there, but it didn't fish her out of the muddy water that her mind was in. For a moment, they were both quiet. It wasn't that Ren didn't know what to say, she knew it was because he was giving her time to process everything before budging in with his opinions and advice.

"He had a daughter..." Layla whispered hoarsely. "Ironic, isn't it? The guy who brutally murdered my family started one himself." Ren made no reply except for the soft strokes down her back.

"He didn't show a single sign of remorse when I showed up; taunted me, in fact, with the different ways he tortur—" Layla's breath hitched. "—tortured my parents in front of my little brother, and then killing him, too.

"When I was chasing him up that mountain, he was having fun playing with me; up until I backed him up the edge of the cliff and he slipped... There was genuine fear in his eyes, he didn't want to die, he wanted to watch his daughter grow up. He begged me to pull him up and I hesitated, and by the time I decided to pull him up... he fell."

Layla took a deep breath, of her magic and of Ren's, letting both of their scents mixed together and settle down in her lungs—this always calmed her down. She was lucky to have found a mate, not to mention a mate whose magic was compatible with hers. Layla gathered herself and stood, she pulled Ren to his feet and let him help her off the tub and wrapped her with a soft towel, all while drying his clothes with his magic. She stepped closer to Ren and his arms automatically went around her.

"I don't know how I'm going to come back from this, Ren," Layla confessed. "It is the thought of that little girl losing her father that kills me, not that fact that I didn't save a man who is my sworn enemy."

Ren kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "We'll get through this. You, me and the Circle."

Layla breathed in deeply again and nodded. Ren didn't need to hear it, but he knew she believed him.