I didn't want to be here. Not now, not like this. It felt so inappropriate being this close to another person. His arm was slung over, every inch of his body pressed against mine. His breath blew against the top of my head, the wispy bits of hair that had fallen from my ponytail moved across my face with every exhale. My eyes were closed. It was bad enough being this close to a stranger, i didn't want to be able to see his reaction to the situation. It was better if i didn't see it. I was safe like this. In my own darkness, with his arms circled around me. On a bed in a strangers house. It could have been his house for all i knew. This male species that now seemed to know every curve and bone of my body, but knew nothing about the girl inside of me.
This wasn't me, this was something my sister would do. She was the daring and reckless one. She was the one who would sneak off in the middle of the night and end up in a strange house, in a strange bed with a strange man. She always ended up in situations like this. It turns out that it was me tonight who had the most unfortunate luck. I was the one in this situation. I don't even understand how i ended up like this. One minute I'm tucked up on the sofa for a movie night, next I'm slamming the door on my way out not even stopping for a coat or a jumper. I don't even remember what happened after that.
His fingers brushed against my back as he shifted, skimming the skin at the base where the t-shirt had slipped. A shiver flew up my back, my body awakening with the sensation. This wasn't what i wanted. I felt safe here but i wanted out. I couldn't handle this. Not now, not yet. I had to get out. I shifted, my eyes opening as I pulled back creating space between our bodies. The cold air encircling me as i felt his heat leave. His checkered shirt was darkened by the shadows across the room. My eyes travelled upwards, taking in every detail. How the shadows seemed to curve around his jaw, his nose, his mouth. His eyes stood out, the blue irises shining through the darkness. They seemed to be moving, as if they were pure water drifting slowly with the slight breeze from the open window. His eyes were fixated on mine. My breathing stopped. It was like he wasn't just staring at my face, his eyes seemed to be reading me like a book. I didn't even know his name and yet he seemed at ease with not knowing anything about the girl he had within his arms. There was no denying it though, he was very attractive.
I let out a long deep breath, my body somehow reminding me that it needed oxygen. His lips curved slightly at the edges, his eyes crinkling at the corners. My eyebrows furrowed, unsure to what humoured him.
"Well hi, I thought you'd fallen asleep on me for a minute there" he smiled crookedly, a deep Irish voice floating from within. I blinked, that was not something i expected. An Irish man? Swallowing slowly, i looked down in an attempt to clear my thoughts.
"Erm, nope" i replied, my voice sore and my throat raw. Jeez, what had i been doing? I swallowed again, willing it to soothe my throat slightly. It did little. "Erm, can i have some water please?" I looked around at the room, searching for a door.
"Sure" he said, sitting up and untangling himself from my body and the sheets around us. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood. The cold air surrounded my body and I shivered at the sudden drop in temperature. Slowly he made his way around the bed, stopping next to where I now sat and he held out his hand. Glancing at it I swallowed slowly again, it was just a hand so there was no harm in it. No harm at all in accepting a strangers hand to lead me around a strange house. So i took it. His fingers threaded through mine as he pulled me towards the door. His warmth immediately spreading from my fingertips and up my arm as he pulled me to his side. I looked up as he glanced down, smiling crookedly once again.
Once downstairs and in the kitchen, he searched the cupboards for a glass before turning to the sink and filling the found glass.
"Here" he said, sliding it across the island that seperated us. My hands clasped around it, holding it to my lips as I chugged it down. My throat was grateful for the moisture. Placing it back onto the island, I looked down embarrassed. I'd just drank like a fish in front of someone attractive. Oh brilliant.
"Better?" he questioned, as he grabbed the glass and turned to refill it. The humour in his voice had me curious as i looked up at him. He grinned wildly back at me, his blue iris pools swirling in amusement as he slid the glass back again. The smile was different as he slid the glass back again. This smile was different though, different to the crooked smile he kept giving me. This grin seemed more real, more relaxed. It had me smiling back, even if it was only small.
"Yeah, very. Thanks" I said, spinning the glass between my fingers as i clasped it again. A silence ensued within the darkness. It wasn't awkward though, it was just peaceful.
Clearing my throat, i pulled my phone from the back pocket of my jeans. Unlocking it I saw I had a couple of missed calls and texts off my sister. I didn't want to hear it though, not now. It was still too new to me. I couldn't forgive her, not yet anyway. Pressing the off button, I waited until the screen went black before chucking it onto the counter in front of me. Placing my hands on the edge of the cabinet, I just stopped and breathed. One long breath, in and out. In and out. In and out. A hand touched my arm and i jumped. I'd forgotten that I wasn't the only one in the room.
"Woah, hey. It's only me. You're alright, you're safe. I'm safe, I'm not going to hurt you." The deep accented voice calmed me. I still didn't know his name and yet with just his reassurance I felt safe. I was safe here.
The pain that I had tried to stop from entering me as i breathed came at me full force. My hands clutched at my chest, my breaths short and sharp, and my eyes watery. Warm arms encircled around me, holding me tight against his chest as the tears began to pour from my eyes. My hands grabbed onto the soft red cotton of his shirt as i gasped for breaths. My body started to fall, i was drifting.
Suddenly I landed on something soft, the bed. I didn't even feel him pick my body up and carry me in between my muffled cries and short breaths. I didn't let go of him once and neither did he as he cuddled me tighter into his chest. His hand stroked the back of my head, the bobble had dropped out of my hair allowing it to cascade over my shoulder and into my face. The curtain was removed as he pulled it gently to the side, his fingers gently rubbing the skin at the back of my neck in an attempt to soothe me.
"Let it out, love." He whispered, placing a small kiss atop of my head every now and then. One hand was wound tightly around my back pulling onto his lap tightly against his body, the second still rubbing small circles into my neck and my shoulders as he slowly rocked us backwards and forwards.
I don't know how long we sat there, him holding me to his chest as he hummed lightly with his head resting on mine. My cries eventually turned to small muffled sobs, to occasional whimpers, and then to nothing. My eyes were fighting the urge to close, my brain refusing to sleep. I didn't want the nightmares tonight, not again. But the unconsciousness won as always and i soon drifted of.
