everything and Anything

the call

December//after

11:57
*incoming call*
hey, lovie.
hey..
what's wrong? did something happen?
she doesn't say anything for a bit almost like she's rethinking a text message over and over again. finally she lets out a sigh. today was such a good day for us as it always is. i can't explain to her how immaculate she makes me feel.
Nic im getting kinda impatient here, i laugh. she doesn't. uncomfortable, i scroll through instagram checking out a couple new posts, waiting for her to speak. say something.
india im going to tell you how it is. the only way for me to say this is to give it to you straight, she says. now, ive never heard her speak like that..like she's giving me a speech. not that she's the type to answer in only four words or less, but i don't know. something is off and i want it to stop. i want her to stop whatever it is she's doing.
indi, you there?
yea yea i'm here. what's wrong, i say. again a pause.
india i love you.
i laugh, not because i don't believe her but because..well i mean we've been together for what, one year and a half. since 9th grade. why be with someone if you didn't love them. anyway, she doesn't need to tell me she loves me because i already know that. i  can tell that that's not the only thing she wanted to tell me. not only am i getting anxious i know for sure she is. she does this weird thing where she breathes heavily when she's nervous. it's quite adorable in my opinion, but she'd say otherwise.
Nic baby you don't have to tell me that.
no no i do..indi i  really..i-
it's like she couldn't do it. she couldn't she say it. why can't she say it?
Nicky come on you know me well enough to know that you can tell me anything, i tell her. and it's true. anything.
i kissed someone.
those words. im not sure i understand.
kissed?
india i went to a party with grey and there were a lot of people there. one thing led to another and.., she stops speaking.
she doesn't finish.
i want her to finish.
indi?
yea?
did you hear what i said?
yea.
i don't know how much this sorry will mean to you but, india you are everything and anything to me. i don't even know what to say.
i don't say anything. i can't say anything? actually no i do. everything will be fine. we have to be fine, right? she messed up once. it's not over for us. it won't be.
it's fine Nicky. i bet it was nothing. plus you never would hurt me on purpose. don't stress about it. and i love you too.
she waits a bit before she speaks again.
india i don't think you understand. this is it. let me go. please.
this is not her. this is not Nicolas, the loving, quiet, determined girl i know. why is she giving up. who did she kiss? does she love her more than me. so many questions are running through my brain and i need them to be answered. scratch that. no, fuck her break up.  i hang up the phone.